Daughter is not feeling well.
L: Can you go to In & Out and get us something for dinner?
Me: Yes, as long as I don't have to eat it. (See Comment Section #1)
L: Please get Parker a grilled cheese and I want my usual (#2, no lettuce, with onion, a coke to go) and please get me a Cosmopolitan milk shake.
Me: They don't have Cosmopolitan milk shakes.
L: YES THEY DO THEY ARE ON THE "SECRET MENU" (See Comment #2)
Me: I am pretty sure they don't.
Me: Do you know what a Cosmopolitan is?
L: It is all three flavors, Mom. Chocolate, Vanilla and Strawberry.
Me: A Cosmo is cranberry juice and vodka. I don't think THAT is on even the SECRET MENU
Me: I think you want a Neapolitan.
I hate In & Out. Mostly. Actually I love their milk shakes. And their diet soda is fine. But that is it. I just do not understand why everyone is so enamoured of this place. Perhaps it is just something only a Proletarian zombie could understand. I just don't get it.
Plus it is dictatorial "YOU WILL HAVE HAMBURGER AND ONE SIZE FRENCH FRY" " YOU DO NOT NEED A LARGE MILKSHAKE YOU BIG FAT COW" "YOU WON'T BE GETTING A BOURGEOISIE GRILLED CHICKEN SALAD HERE" "YOU WILL EAT THIS AND YOU WILL LIKE THIS-- NOW PUT ON THIS HAT AND GO BACK TO THE SUBURB WHERE YOU BELONG!!"
Comment #2: What is with the 'Secret Menu' trend going on around here. Again I feel manipulated. It isn't much of a secret and yet they refuse to put these items on the menu. I believe that they want to herd you all like lemmings into coming to their establishments and then order off the secret menu like you are something special to them. You and Starbucks have a special connection because you know how to order a Captain Crunch Frappacino. You and In & Out are like members of the Illuminati because you ordered your fries Animal style. Well, you are not special. They are manipulating you. Stop it.
If they really wanted a valuable secret menu item they would put a grilled chicken salad and a extremely large Cosmo milkshake on there.