Tuesday, November 6, 2012

It Is My Fault. I Admit It

I am going to try to keep my blog about all kinds of interesting and entertaining things but you know it is going to be heavy on the grandson.  I can't help it. 
He is definitely the most interesting thing going on in my life.
But an unexpected difficulty has come to light:  my rampant sense of humor. 
We all know the expression "I laughed until I cried"  but my poor daughter is living it right now.  You may say to yourself  'How lucky is she to get to live with someone as constantly hilarious as LeAnn every day' and I am sure she usually feels like that.  But it literally hurts for her to laugh right now.  And she has literally broken down sobbing in pain from some little witty tidbit I threw out without thinking about it first.
It is hard to stop and think about it because the wit and hilarity is so spontaneous.   This kind of gift is difficult to censor.  And if I stop mid-stream it really doesn't help because that is, in itself, kinda silly.  So sometimes I just text stuff to my sister-- even if she is sitting right there next to me!
Here are some examples of what were bad choices to voice out loud:
1)   Telling Lauren that I accidentally put the empty, but
gooshy, empty cans of wet cat food in my purse.
2)  Describing our dog Sam as an old, overweight night security watchman who
makes one circuit around the house then kicks back with a cold one. 
This is because he comes in the house, walks up to each person and takes a
look and a sniff, goes around the family room, living room and kitchen and then
directly up the stairs where he curls up under my desk.
3)  Telling her the cats were playing upstairs when the reality is that I tripped
over my electrical cord nearly severing my two middle toes, falling first on
my already sore knee and doing a head plant into the rolling office chair
 (a very good thing because it moved leaving behind a bruise
and a scrape but not a concussion).
4) Quoting the Gone With The Wind line uttered by Butterfly McQueen 
"I don't know nothin bout birthin babies, Miss Scarlett"
(For a funny mashup of this scene CLICK HERE)
But here are some things I could have said, but didn't. 
1)  At CVS drug store tonight I was stocking up on giant feminine products because there
was a buy one, get one free sale while the other 6 people in line were buying liquor. 
This made me look exactly like the old granny I feel like these days.
2)  After leaving the drugstore I was driving toward home when I very nearly crashed
my car because I started to make a lane change when there was someone in my
 blind spot only to discover, after swerving into the next lane, that it wasn't a car in
my blind spot but a giant bird poop on my back window.
Trying to restrain myself is really taking it's toll.  I am mentally exhausted.

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