Saturday, August 25, 2012

Where Babies Come From

Now you know
Babies Come From Target
You Are Welcome
That is not true-- they do not come from Target, they come from the stork.
But Target does have some really cool stuff.   Especially the girl's stuff which would be great if I were having a grand-daughter but since I am having a grand-son... well let's just say that sticking a dump truck on the front of a onesie doesn't make me swoon.
I am a big fan of dinosaurs though.  Just so you know. 
It has been 20 years since I had a baby and things have really changed.
They have these amazing swings now that swing in different directions and are electric which I would have given my right arm for.  My baby swing had to be wound up and the 18 minutes it took to stop was often the only time I got some sleep.  And they play music and have a mobile and they vibrate which is what you do instead of putting them in the car and driving around for a couple of hours every night.  And car seats that you can put into the stroller and then carry somewhere else?  OMG!  Heaven!
Cribs are different now too.  A LOT different.  Gone are the slats that were far apart enough for your baby to get their legs stuck and have them half hanging out.  You can't lift a side down now either.  Or put in stuffed animals and blankets and cats.  And they have to sleep on their backs;  not the tummy and not the side!  So I guess the crib I kept from my kids isn't going to cut it so now I need to look for a crib too.
There are about 100 different kinds of bottles with at least as many nipples.  And pacifiers.
I asked Lauren not to use Evenflo because if I need to make a bottle it will end up on the counters, the floors and the ceilings.  At least that is what used to happen.  And I doubt it would be better now since I have trouble with my travel coffee cups these days.
And childbirth classes--- do people still take Lamaze?  Because Lauren just signed up and it was really expensive.  Is their discount Lamaze?  Like they teach you how to demand an epidural upon admittance to the hospital because that works for me.  Can I get one please?
Have I mentioned that I get to be in the room when Parker is born?  Or how excited and scared I am because Lauren screams and is scary when she has a hangnail.  The thing is that Brandon was taken C-Section but I was under anesthesia so I didn't wake up till it was all over.  And Lauren was 2 months old before I even knew she existed so I have never seen a baby being born and never got to see either of my kids when they were just right out of the box (so to speak) And I am hoping Parker sees me first and imprints on me like a baby Velociraptor in Jurassic Park.  So I can control it.  I am convinced that is why Lauren is so....soo... Lauren-ish.  She didn't get to imprint on me.  I think she imprinted on Charro.

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