Up A Tree

I have to interrupt my ventura blogs to tell you about my Saturday Afternoon. 
Some of you know my son and his wife are trying to find a new home for a purebred husky dog that they took when someone else couldn't keep her.  It is not going well.  One of the problems is that she is not good with cats.  Well, I should re-phrase that.  She loves cats---- to chase and possibly chew on.  The kids live in my other house which shares a fence.  Yesterday I guess the temptation to get to my cats was just too much for her because she managed to break the gate down and get into my yard.  Most of them were smart enough to jump the fence.  One of them, my littlest one, climbed a tree.

  Waaaay up in a tree.  It took us awhile to find her.  We could hear unhappy meowing but could find her until we finally looked UP and there she was.  My pregnant emotional daughter was sure that her cat was going to fall and die or stay up there and die.  She wanted me to call 911 and get the fire department over here.  I explained that we already have a red flag on our address because of the incident with me and the bra when Monica had her seizure.  She is sure that the fire fighters are cool with getting cats out of trees like you see in the movies. After I nixed that idea I spent quite a lot of time calling her.  I very patiently tried to talk her down.  I told her she was a good kitty and she could come on down on her own.  I got out a can of stinky wet cat food.  I was patient.  She just looked down and yowled.  I lost patience.  Sent my daughter in the house.  Shook the tree.  Threw rocks at the tree leaves.  Might have yelled and used questionable language.  Nope she wasn't gonna move.  I went inside and had a drink.  Cooled off.  About this time my dad called.  He had heard about the cat from my nephew.  Dad thought I should get some PCV pipe and some wire and make a loop and just bring her on down.  I told Dad thanks.  Gave it some thought.  Rejected that idea reasoning that the most likely result would be popping her head off.  Went back out and tried to talk.  Then I got out the hose with the sprayer.  I really thought this was my last resort.  I started squirting nearby.  Got closer.  Shot her in the butt.  Just meowed louder.  I hosed her good.  That is right, I water boarded my cat.  She came down a few feet.  But no amount of enticement brought her the rest of the way.  I paced.  Smoked a few cigarettes and downed a six pack.  Farted in her general direction (MOVIE REF)  I got out a ladder and climbed as far as I could which was about 2 steps.  Got a broom and the hose.  Poked at her butt with the broom.  Gave her some cigarette burns on her tail.  Squirted honey on her nose and let the ants loose. I played rap music at her.  I played Justin Bieber at her.  I took at couple Valium.  Ate some chocolate.  Painted my face with leaves and hot glued branches on my body.  My hair?  Well my nicely fixed hair was wet and stuck out all over.I was drenched.  I was muddy.  The cat was pooping from up there and some of it got on me.  I climbed the ladder, mewing softly so as not to scare her further.  I took the broom and put it over her head and turned the hose on her as hard as it went bringing her just to the point of drowning her.  She began making this sound like she was barking.  After half an hour I came down.  I was really beside myself and neither one of us looked good.  I was infuriated.  I was wet.   I felt like she looked.   Luckily my nephew came home soon.  My daughter and I got a blanket so when the cat fell she wouldn't get hurt (this was for Lauren because at that point the only thing that would have been worse was having to take Yvette  to the animal emergency room)  My nephew put oven mitts on and after cutting down a few branches was able to get pretty close to the cat.  Close enough to have her come toward him.  Her back claws were stuck in the branch but he got her out.  She was happy to see him and he was able to hand her to me.  I took her inside and checked her over for injuries (just a little sore claws and a little blood which I cleaned)  We got her a nice blankie and some food and water and put her in a bathroom to recover in safety.  And I got a nice blankie and some food and water and went to bed.

Here she is today.  She was not in the mood for more PawPawaratzzi so I didn't get a very good picture but she is doing just fine.