Sunday, September 18, 2011


(Note:  Many thanks to my son for getting the cyber-gunk off my laptop so I can get some blogging done)

Today I want to discuss with you a phenomena I have been recently
 found myself observing more and more.

This phenomena of which I speak: O.F.B.

Old Fart Behavior

Evidence #1:  As usual on Sunday mornings I was sitting in my usual corner at Panera with
one eye on my homework and the other eye peeled for interesting blogworthy activity. 
 Or anything I can spin into interesting blog activity.

Older couple pulls up right outside my window.  They are probably mid to late sixties.  She is carrying a mason jar with lid full of iced tea.  He is carrying coffee mug from home.  They come in and get a couple of bagels for breakfast.  When he goes to the counter I speculate on the coffee mug:  will he pay for coffee and get a refill?  Will he just fill it up without paying for it? Is this his favorite of all time mug that he takes everywhere with him? 
He drinks all the coffee in his own personal  mug and goes outside to the car
where he re-fills from a thermos in his car, at which point he returns
 to his booth in the restaurant and finishes his breakfast.
This is OFB.

Other examples of OFB:
Bringing a jar of peanut butter with you to breakfast so you can have it on your waffles.
Taking home all the napkins and sweetner packets left on your table after eating.
Obsessively asking what I am going to wear to church every week
Filling up a shed in your backyward with toilet paper and paper towels.

I have pondered, many times in the past few years, about the inevitability of exhibiting OFB.  Is it just destiny?  Must we all become Old Farts at some point?  Were this Panera Couple always Old Farts or were they once cool hipsters toking a couple of doobies before they swayed to the bangin' tunes.  He of the flowing natty locks and she of the granny skirts and tie dye?  Did they watch SNL when Chevy Chase was just a young pup signed off saying "I am Chevy Chase-- and you're not" and laugh their butts off at the landsharks?  Did they Cruise the Boulevard back in the day and laugh at their parents who were Old Farts?  Did he have a Charger?  Did he drag for pinks?
How does this transition happen?
Does it start when 8:00pm is just too dang late to go out to a movie?
When you watch the clock because you know 5:00 is too early for pajamas--
but is 6:00pm?????
When Peri-menopause is another roommate?
And you wear........... bi-focals?
And what about my friends who are just a few years younger and still having BABIES?
Will they have to teach their kids to find their car keys?
Will they bring a sippy cup to the restaurant AND their favorite cup too?

It boggles the mind......
I worry that I will exhibit more and more OFB
I worry that I ALREADY AM!!

Obi Wan Kenobi............... Keep me from OFB... you're my only hope....

1 comment:

ltlrags said...

This statement alone confirms that you are an old fart, "cool hipsters toking a couple of doobies before they swayed to the bangin' tunes." Rarely have so many uncool words been strung together in so short a statement. Even the AARP is embarrassed.