Thursday, September 29, 2011

I Don't Know How This Will End

I don't know how this will end
You have all been with me this whole time so I think it is time to come clean
See how it all plays out
I can't do it any more   It is just too hard
Too lonely  Too isolating
Sometimes the hunger is just too much and the hole inside can't be filled the way
things are When I am honest with myself-- when I take a good hard look in the
 mirror-- my choices reveal the condition of my heart.  And for awhile now I have
known that it is time to be honest with you all and with myself

Though I still consider myself to be a true citizen of Vega
I cannot say that I have been true to the true Vegan diet.
I know you are all disappointed--- especially Sheila.

It was the cheese that took me down
Not even the full fat kind either--- the 2%!
I craved the protein that I just couldn't find in the garbanzo. 
Don't get me wrong-- I still love my legumes; the Garbanzos, the Pintos, The
 Blacks and Whites and Browns....
But often the temptation and the cravings control me
I found myself cheating.
It started out so small-- so insignificant. 
Sneaking in a little bit of cheese here and there.  In a salad.  In a sandwich.  In a burrito. 
So easy to justify;  Everyone else does it!  I need to be satisfied-- don't I deserve to be satisfied?
It isn't like killing someone.  I thought I could control it but the need grew and grew and grew.
Then it graduated on to eggs.  In a salad.  In a sandwich,  In a burrito
Finally it manifested itself in the most onerous of ways:  A egg AND cheese burrito!
One day I was so bold as to have breakfast with Egg.  Right out there in public.
Shameless-- just the two of us there in a booth together with nary a thought as
to how this one act could snowball into so much destruction!

So okay, it is out there now.
I can't be a part time vegan so I guess that makes me a vegetarian now
Fully committed--- not a carnivore!!

I don't know how this will effect my citizenship on Vega
I don't even know if I will be able to go home now..

Don't Judge Me

1 comment:

JC said...

You are so silly !!!