Sunday, September 25, 2011

Coordination Is Over Rated

One of the things of which I have recently become painfully aware, is that I am consistently uncoordinated in all exercise regimes.
This is quite a talent
In my yoga class I have trouble with balance and I simply cannot do anything that requires that I put all 500 lbs of Hippo weight on my shoulders.  The other day I tried and was rewarded with crunching sounds coming from my joints.  This is not a good thing.  So I do not do downward facing dog nor do I do planking poses.  This does limit my participation.  So far I have not farted which is good and I have been able to refrain from making hissing sounds when I do the cobra move.  Out loud anyhow.
In water aerobics I tend to float off in the wrong direction.  And I don't balance well even in the water.  On Saturday my bathing suit was trying to fall apart and I accidentally hit someone in the rear end.  The bathing suit also tends to add an extra measure of resistance as it is a dress type so it is usually going in the opposite direction from where I am trying to go and riding up around my ears. 
And then there is Zumba.  I am pretty sure the instructor was born without hip bones.  My own personal hips only want to go side to side--- not the other 100 directions his hips go.  And I can go low... but not low, low, Low, Low LOW LOW LOW LOW and certainly not without help getting back up! 
It is all so different in my imagination.  There I have an actual figure--- that is not Buddha-like.  My dancing is more Brittany than Seizure.  I can do water moves without falling over and getting water up my nose.  And I simply Glow rather than sweating drops on my yoga mat or the floor or all over my shirt.  I can be the downward dog and I do not recoil in horror when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Maybe someday my reality will match my fantasy.


ltlrags said...

You are still doing 3 things more than me. I've never even heard of Zumba. Good luck on that one. And I can't do downward facing dog either; I hurt my shoulder doing it a couple years ago and now when I do it the pain returns. Ugh. Old age!

Carol S.---Gopher Huntress said...

You are tooooo funny!!!! It's a good thing that I didn't have to go off on a gopher safari or something. When I read this blog....I laughed and cried so hard that I resembled the old Alice the eye area, that is.