Early Sunday Morning
I am at Panera: Good Coffee and free WiFi
I go there from time to time to do homework away from the distractions of cats and laundry.
But today, dear Minions..... today there was a wonderful distraction.
Blog worthy even.
Round about 8:00am the I Am Secure In My Manhood Harley Motorcycle Group starts showing up.
(Rumble Rumble RUMBBBBBLE)
They start meandering in the restaurant. Loudly musing over their choice of pastry and coffee
"DUDE THEY HAVE SCONES!!!!!!!!!!!!" "THERE ARE 4 KINDS OF COFFEE, MAN! DO YOU WANT THE DARK ROAST OR THE HAZELNUT? I LIKE THE HAZELNUT" (I swear this really happened)
All in all there were about 20 of them. Variations on the normal theme: Jeans. Boots. Leather vest with (I am afraid to put the name in here) SO CALIFORNIA SEE YOU ON THE ROAD emblazoned on the back. 'Do rags. Bald heads or looooong hair in wrapped tails. Handlebar mustaches and ZZ top chin beards. Sun glasses Brain Buckets. Bad Ass Dudes Y'all
Unfortunately they settle down to eat on the other side of the wall-- very inconsiderate of them really-- so I miss out on their conversations (I do, however, hear one VERY LOUD BUUUURRRRPPP!!) (I swear this happened too)
So, since I couldn't actually hear them I will have to guess at their conversations.
First up: Last week's meeting.
"Hey, next Sunday I get to pick the place!" "No way, Dude, last time you picked we ended up at a Coffee Bean. Dude, not even a Starbucks-- a COFFEE BEAN ARE YOU SERIOUS?" (whine) "But it is my turn"
"Okay, damn if you stop the whining you can choose" "Panera" "Panera? ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW???"
Conversations that might have happened today at Panera:
"Dude-- so I am leaving the house man and the old lady starts getting all up in my face, man so I am all like BACK OFF B**CH!!!! GET OUTTA MY FACE!!" and I get the hell outta there on my hog." [Actual exchange "Honey-- is it okay if I go hang out with the guys at Panera for awhile?]
"Yeah my ball and chain tried to pull that crap on me too, man, so I put her in her place. Look here, I AM THE MAN of this house and I will go where I damn well please and I don't want to hear your crap about it" [Baby? Babe? It is just for a little while, okay? Then I swear I will go to Michaels with you and pick out some silk flowers for the foyer table. Yeah, Pier One too. You know I love that place. Maybe we can get some candles?]
"I gotta book, homies. My missus is goin shopping today. I told her before I left- Woman you buy me those baby carrots. And she gets this smirk on her face and says wha'ts wrong with the carrots I got last time and I put my foot down: Dangit regular old carrots are not the same as baby carrots! I told her you get me the baby carrots or I will wipe that smirk off your face!"
"You can't trust broads, man. Not as far as you can throw them. I am tellin you. The last time I trusted her she betrayed me big time. I came home after a long nights work just worn out, man. Just dead tired from folding those damn polo shirts at Old Navy man. So I sneak in real quiet like so I don't wake her up and I turn the lights on in the living room and BAM! What do I see? BEIGE!! She painted the living room BEIGE!! I TOLD HER TAUPE. Damn it!!! Taupe is not beige-- everyone knows that. It was the last straw, man. The last straw!"
"I can't do the ride today either guys. I gotta take the old battle axe to the movies for her birthday. And I don't care what anyone says, that Justin Bieber has real talent, man"
So the guys finish their brunch and head out to the parking lot where I steathfully took these pictures. They spent quite a while admiring each other's rides. Then they got on their Harleys and rode off together... but first AND I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE a couple of them kissed each other on the cheeks and shared big hugs.
Dude, It was all so dis-illusioning!!