Monday, January 24, 2011

Torture

Saturday morning I left the house much later than usual. Usually it is still dark when I leave home for work-- even on the weekends (because I am a work-a-holic) but this Saturday I slept in. Oh glorious thing, sleeping in!

And what assaulted my nose when I stepped out of the safety of my house?
What sinister smell attacked and threatened to knock me off my feet?

Someone was cooking......... BACON!

How un-supportive can my neighbors possibly be?
Don't they care about my diet?
Don't they care about my precarious emotional state?
Do they practise ninja-like methods of sabotage?
But I survived.  I forced myself into my car and tried to tell myself that the yogurt I was going to eat for breakfast was surely going to prove to be the most tasty amazing container of vanilla yogurt God has ever created. Surely the heavens would open up, a shaft of sunlight beaming down on my yogurt which would surely taste of............ well something other than yogurt....
It didn't really work.
But I survived.
I did not go door to door hunting for the perpetrator.
I didn't close my eyes and fantasize about a BLT.... WITH MAYONNAISE!!!!!!!
I did not go stand on the freeway offramp with a cardboard sigh that said "WIll Blog For Bacon"

No I did not.

I stood firm

And the storm passed.

But later............

I came home to the sanctuary of my home sweet home
And walked into the kitchen searching for a fat free, sugar free, snack--- like a plain rice cake.
When I heard it.............

At first I thought it was the wind outside my window
It was a softly inviting sound............ and soon I realized it was a voice..........
Rich....... and deep............ and beckoning me........... a siren song............
........... LeAnn.................Leeeee Annnnnnn.................Why do you ignore me when I know you want me so badly..............We used to be lovers, you and I................And now you have forsaken me............

LeAnn.....................come................come..................

Suddenly I was attacked from behind and a small piece of brownie forced itself into my mouth

I tried to fight it off.... I tried to spit it out..........       ButI could not............

I feel so ashamed
Weight Watchers.............. forgive me..............  for I have fallen..... and I can't get up..........

And I heard an answer from above..............
" Just count the points, my child, and sin no more"

4 comments:

JC said...

You crack me up ....

Terri said...

I really love this! :)

You sure you ain't-a walkin in my shoes?

And you mentioned "points"- are you doing Weight Watchers? I quit once I became bored and would like to eventually go back before I gain everything back.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go sniff the fridge :)

LeAnn said...

JC~ You always make me feel like I done good, lol.
Terri~ Yes I am doing Weight Watchers! Isn't it FUN????? But the thing is, it does actually work!
Go for it!

critterlover said...

How rude your neighbors are. GeezLoueez! LOL. Good for you for winning the battle. One small piece of brownie, not so bad, you're right, count 'em and move on .