Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Real Pursuit Christmas Party

Last weekend I attended a Christmas Party for my Church Care Group. 
There was yummy food
And wonderful, fun people.
We had a White Elephant Gift Exchange. 
I am sure most of you are familar with this holiday gift giving custom, but if you are not let me  explain.  You locate something in your home which is hideous, useless or broken-- basically unwanted--and you wrap it beautifully to take to  your party.  When it is time for the exchange you pick a number and get to choose either a new gift or steal one from someone else who opened their gift before you.  The gifts can only get stolen twice and then they are stuck wherever they are.  Make sense? 
Here is a picture of Grandma Johnson who was the very lucky receipent of the plastic, tutu wearing elephant bank that was my contribution to the party.
Grandma J With Her Elephant
Strangely, no one tried to take it from her.  I wonder if they all realized it was also a bank?
When it was my turn I unwrapped a telescoping back scratcher (which is handy for a single gal-- so much more dignified than scratching my back against the corner of my office at work) and a battery operated lamp that one wears on one's forehead.  I LOVED IT!  Think of all the uses!  I could have hands free to clean the cat box in the middle of the night.  I could use it to read my kindle!!  I could put it on when the car breaks down and I lift the hood to look at the engine!
But did I bring it home?  OH NO!  I DID NOT!
Because it caught Brian's eye.
Brian who pays lip service to 'supporting the single moms of our group' and yet steals away their head lamps.

Brian "Dreamkiller" Schoonmaker

And his comment?   "This would be great at a crime scene"
You see, Brian is a Homicide Detective  Animal Control Officer
I went along with him on a recent bust.
The Suspect Line Up
Brian:  "Okay one of you is the perp.  Someone needs to come forward"
Perps: "yawn"
Brian:  "SOMEONE pooped on the carpet.  We have the evidence.  We have the pictures.  All of you have access and we know you don't need a motive"
Perps: (fart)
Brian:  "Okay--- who farted???"
Perps: (not making eye contact)
Brian:  We aren't going NOWHERE until someone confesses
(Brian decides to take different tact)
Brian:  Look!  I have a yummy snausage.  See? (chomps down on the snausage)  Yuuummmmm!!
If you tell me who did the deed I will share my snausage!
Perps:  (Starting to squirm around a little)
Brian:  "Ummmmmmm"
Perps:  (Drooling, but standing their ground)
Brian: (Forgetting what he is doing suddenly realizes he really does like the snausage)
Perps:  (giving each other the 'I have my eye on you gesture')
Brian:  (Snaps out of his Snausage Induced Coma)
Brian:  OKAY NO MORE MR. NICE GUY!!
THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!
WHO LEFT THE FECAL MATTER ON THE RUG??
WHO DID IT!!
(Jumps forward taking the collie by the throat)
DID YOU DO IT???  Mr. I Am So Innocent Lassie
DO IT?  (hehe heh)  DODO IT?  DOODOO??????
(Buaaahhhaaahhhaaa!!!)
(Other officers quietly lead the muttering Brian out of the room and into the waiting Looney Bin Tansport Vehicle

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Leanne, Gracie the pink elephant looks gorgeous at the navitity scene in my hallway. Sorry to say the navitity scene will get put away in a couple of weeks but not Gracie.
Funny I brought the head lamp and Santa has already taken care of your need for one. Cute story. Love, Grandma J.

Anonymous said...

Dear Leanne, Gracie the pink elephant looks gorgeous at the navitity scene in my hallway. Sorry to say the navitity scene will get put away in a couple of weeks but not Gracie.
Funny I brought the head lamp and Santa has already taken care of your need for one. Cute story. Love, Grandma J.

ltlrags said...

So... what did you bring home?