As some of you know, I struggle from time to time with an anxiety disorder and the depression that often accompanies this sort of thing. The Monster, I call it because it sneaks up on me and then tackles me from behind. And then I find myself in battle. As
"Hopelessly outnumbered, King Aragon sought to inspire his men against what seemed like sure defeat against the swarming hordes of their hellish enemies. Riding in front of his gathered, but rather lowly army, he shouted,
"'I see in your eyes the same fear that would break the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. This day, we fight!
This fight against my own brain chemistry takes a lot of energy (and there was a lot of stuff going on in my life at the time) and often the battle to remain functional robs me of my normal shining personality to some extent and so blogging just wasn’t up there on my list of places to invest myself.
I think most people battle some sort of Monster. Maybe it is an addiction. Maybe it is physical pain. Maybe it is a relationship with a spouse or a child or a parent.
To me what makes the difference is having my faith in God to pull me through because I believe He knows me better than I know myself and He knows my struggles and uses these times to draw me in close and grow as a person.
And, of course, I always have the support of my friends and family who also know me pretty darned well (but thank goodness not as well as God because you all don’t really want to see inside this brain) and love and accept me for the warped and flawed person that I am.
"...by all you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand with me, men of the West!'"
Thank you everyone for standing with me as we fight.
The battle seems to be about over. This time. I expect the war will continue with the chemicals in my brain on and off--
But for today! I will fight!