Sunday, January 11, 2009

I Need Crutches


Yes, I need crutches. No, I didn't trip over my own feet, fall in the shower or drop a dumbbell on my foot!

But I need crutches.

I have heard it said that religion is a crutch-- but I don't consider myself religious. I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my faith is my crutch and I am more than okay with that!

I know that when I am walking along thinking I have my life under control (more or less), feeling strong, cruising under my own power and looking forward at the road ahead of me is really when I am at my weakest and most prone to stepping in a gopher hole and getting hurt.
Times like that I get complacent with my spiritual walk. I am not so needy. I have my pride with my own independence to keep me on track.
I know God could keep me from stepping in that hole-- but like every Good Parent, He lets me take my own path, make my own decisions, learn from my own mistakes. And like a any good Father He is always there to pick me up and help me get back on track.
I wish I could learn, once and for always, not to let my spiritual life get cold and take the backseat to everything else I have going on! That would be great! But I don't. I seem to run in circles around and around and around. I wonder if God, in His infinite Good Humor (I hope) doesn't watch and wish I could learn that too. Instead a lot of the time He waits for me to call out "Abba, Help me!" I think those are the times He says "Okay, Doofus, let's go over this whole thing again". AGAIN!! Arrrgg!!
I struggle every so often with an anxiety disorder. Coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, these times usually coincide with times of spiritual distraction. When I am spiritually strong, I am emotionally strong. But do I remember this? How can I not remember this? Sometimes I forget until I am sliding down. I am stubborn. I have a short spiritual attention span!

I love Psalm 91, especially in times of trouble. When I am afraid to fall asleep because I am afraid of what dreams may come or what the morning may bring, I love to think of myself snuggled down under His wings-- soft and warm and safe-- with an angel or two hanging around to keep watch!

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge:
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not feat the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that
stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you make the Most High your dwelling
even the LORD, who is my refuge— then no harm, will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him,
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation


Yeah, I need those crutches.



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