Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Not Exactly Al Capone's Secret Vault

Now that the holidays are over (well they will be tomorrow at 9:01 Pacific Standard Time when I celebrate New Year's Eastern Time because I am an old fart) it is time for me to start settling my parents' estate.

This should be interesting.  Would you care to ride along?  I knew you would!!
This afternoon Monica and I went to the bank to open up the safety deposit box.   Awhile back my dad changed the access so that I would be able to do this right away if he were to pass away.
We did not know what to expect:  One Million Dollars in gold bars?  The crown jewels?  A ziplock full of toe nail clippings?  Personal letters to us expressing their love and pride for the beautiful and successful women we have become?  An ammendment to their (Almost) Last Will & Testament that left everything to the cat?  

No, none of those things.   Here are a few things we did find.

My original birth record.  Only mine.  I believe this is because it is an altered document.  For example:  Lauren's birth certificate states that I was in Irvine on 2-14-92 giving birth to her when I was actually at a banquet in Lancaster that night.  So this is what I think happened--- there was a secrete humanoid exchange program between Earth and a far superior species in a galaxy far far away.  Somewhere out there the Rittel's birth child is babbling and drooling in a feeble attempt to represent an average Earth resident.  And I am here. Tah Dah.  You are welcome.  Why is Monica's birth certificate not in there?  Because she was found on the side of the road with eggshell on her head.  That is all we know about her birth.  

An Envelope Full of  What I Thought Might Be Human Teeth:
But they were old coins instead.  Yay   SO much better than teeth.

Copies of their Last Will & Testament that is so complicated that I have no idea what it means but I think it might be put in there specifically to be sure no one but my sister and I could inherit aka Your Rotten Ex Husband Will Never Get Their Slimy Paws On Our Toe Nail Clippings Money.

So that was interesting but nothing dramatic.   In a few weeks we will be visiting their lawyer to see what needs to be done to settle their estate.  I can't wait.  Turns out I used to referee soccer matches with him and I am pretty sure he was not impressed with my skills.  Hopefully he won't remember me!!

I will keep you all posted!

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