Thursday, August 28, 2014

Garbage Barge of Suckage

This has been the weirdest summer ever!  I am so glad it is crawling to a close (because it is too dang hot and because Autumn is my favorite season).  I am hoping that the fall brings not just a new season on the calendar but I new season in my life.  Cuz I gotta say, this last one has really been a cavalcade of suckage.
It follows me into the night of course, disturbing my sleep.  This garbage barge of unrest that has caused me umpteen stress dreams of every kind.  I have the "It's somewhere in the middle of the semester and I have forgotten to go to class for awhile and now I can't remember what my schedule is"  Or the "I am getting married but I don't know who the groom is"  or the "I am a wedding coordinator and I forgot to make food so lets get stuff from AMPM"  or the "I can't find my locker"  All very standard stress dreams for me.  See how they seem to have one of two catagories?  
But the other night I had a stress dream that was an original and was off the charts for realism.  I dreamt that I was fast asleep and something attacked my feet and legs.  In the dream I knew it was probably my psycho kitty Figaro because he is completely crazy.  He has issues.  He is the last kitty I have because of his high level of "Too Much Crazy To Foist Off On Anyone Else".  He misses his feline siblings so he has been acting even more crazy than usual.  This includes meowing at the top of his little kitty lungs to be let inside Lauren's bedroom so he can go sit in the windowsill (and this goes on and on and on) and a couple of times it climaxed with his relieving himself on me while I slept.  So in this dream I knew I was bleeding profusely from all the scratches and bites on my leg so I went into the bathroom, hoisted my foot up on the toilet and poured hydrogen peroxide all over my leg.  Then... poof.... I woke up and the sunshine was streaming through my window.  
Do you ever have dreams that seem so real that you don't even realize they didn't happen?  Like once I had a dream that I had a crazy hot date with this guy I worked with (not my current job so don't you all try to figure out who it was) and the next day when I saw him I got all flustered.  And it was so weird because I wasn't attracted to him but for a long time I kept trying to get him to admit that he we had gone out....   And one time I had a dream that my husband dumped me in the middle of the night.... no wait that one did happen.....   Anyhow.... this dream wasn't like that.  I knew it didn't happen.   Figaro didn't look all flustered at me when I saw him later that day.  He didn't even apologize.... course he didn't when he peed on me either.
Yeah I knew that I had not actually gotten attacked in the night by a rabid raccoon or a fluffy housecat.   I knew that I had not gone in the bathroom and poured half a bottle of peroxide on my leg.  I knew these things.....   Right up until I took a shower that night and discovered that my leg was, in actual fact, scratched up and nibbled on.... and that most of a bottle of peroxide was gone...

1 comment:

ltlrags said...

Eek, creepy! That's. Like an M Night Whatshisname ending. My so-real-I-cant-believe-its-not-real dream is that I can ski down stairs on the soles of my shoes. When I think of stairs I have to think about whether I really can ski down them or not.