A few months back it became obvious that I have sleep issues.
I often startle myself awake with my own snoring and my fellow housemates have noticed that I appear to stop breathing occasionally, followed by gasps for air.
Also I am practically narcoleptic during the day needing a nap at my lunch break just to be able to finish my day. My doctor says it is because the combined weight of my flab and my huge chest are crushing my lungs and so he has recommended that I have a sleep study done.
I think this is ridiculous because I have already diagnosed myself and I seriously doubt that I can deal with having some contraption stuck on my face--- so what is the point? The point is that one of these days when I die in my sleep because someone I irritated with my snoring put a pillow over my face they will have laid the foundation for an insanity defense.
So here it is: Journal Of LeAnn's Sleep Study October 19, 2012
Dear Journal; As usual I awoke before dawn and started my day. I made my pot of coffee determined to enjoy it until 12 hours previous to my appointment tonight. That makes it 9:45am. Far too early in the morning to stop drinking coffee. I decide that noon is close enough and decide to tell the tech that it was 9:45am (somewhere)
Dear Journal; Time for my lunchbreak diet pepsi. But nooooo I am going to go with something caffeine free so look at the menu for a clear soda. Aha; Mountain Dew. Get an extra large.
Ready for bed. Unfortunately need to wait another 105 minutes to check in to sleep center. See this as a good sign I will be able to drop right off to sleep. Hair is clean and dry and sticking up in every possible direction per instructions. Well the clean and dry part not-- the sticking up part. That is just a bonus.
Arrive at sleep center. Seems deserted except for light on in top level. Door is locked. No answer to knock. Beginning to get anxious: if I washed my hair for no good reason.......
Eventually someone answers the door and they take me to my room for the night.
And give me some pajamas to put on
Then the friendly nurse started hooking up the electrodes
She turns off the light so I can go to sleep. I play solitaire on my cell phone.
I read on my kindle and try to lay still and relax but it is hard when I have a thingie on my finger that makes me look like ET phoning home. And there are all these wires hooked up to my legs to see if they move around too much which I never thought they did until last night.
Consider making crank phone calls and run through repertoire "Is your refrigerator running?" "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" "Do you have 'Under the Grandstands' by Seymour Buttz?" Remember about caller ID. Try to fall asleep.
Get tough. "Dammit, GO TO SLEEP!!!!!" "DO IT!!!!!"
Consider calling my friends. Rationalize that people who love me would want me to feel emotional support. Can't think of anyone who loves me that much.
"Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Ball of Fur. Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty..... DAMMIT SLEEEEEPY KITTY???????? SLEEPY? REALLY IS THAT KITTY WIRED UP AND TRAPPED? DOES SHE KNOW THAT THE MINUTE SHE FALLS ASLEEP SOMEONE IS GOING TO WAKE HER UP AND PUT A BREATHING MACHINE ON HER?"
I wonder if I should have left my pajamas on?????
And now for something REALLY scary.......