Tuesday, August 7, 2012

There IS a 'DIE' in 'DIET'

As I told you before I am seeing a Nutritional Therapist these days to help me get back on track with my weight and my general health.
It seems to be a growing trend in our home.  Last week my daughter's cat, Mush (yes she named her cat Mush) showed signs of a back problem.  He has always had a curled in tail but suddenly it was straight and sore so we took him in to the V-E-T.  The vet said that he does have arthritis and is overweight so he needs to eat more carefully and get exercise. 
 OMG  IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE WHAT MY DOCTOR SAID ABOUT ME!!!!!  

THERE IS NO WAY I WEIGH 17.12 lbs!
Let me take off my collar and my shoes first!

So you know what this means, right?
Yeah, I really am turning into a cat.
No, silly, it means that we have to completely change the eating program for our home.  I sat them all down and explained the situation.  The other cats were all like "It isn't fair!  We didn't do anything wrong and now we are getting punished!"  And I was all like "It isn't being punished.  I want you to be healthy because I love you all"  But O'Malley, Chanel, Layla and Figaro are having none of it.  They are now angry at Mush for being this on all of them.  The outdoor cats are fit and trim so they are staying on their normal diet.  But the indoors are getting diet food and....worse of all... no more self feeding.  The food goes out for 15 minutes and it gets put away.  The dog is having a nervous breakdown too.  No treat time in the evenings either!
It is a lot the same for me too.  I am off sugar and bread and pasta and white stuff.  And I take a lot of food supplements.
My favorite food supplement is Vitameatavegamen I think--- in tablet form.  I am pretty sure it is a combination of liver and fish.  When I opened the bottle the first time the cats all came running and went crazy trying to eat it.  Best of all it makes all the rest of the pills smell and taste the same way.  What a treat for me.

Now my sister would probably like them because when we went to the fish hatchery on our last Ventura trip she ate some of the fish food when she didn't think I was looking.  Which reminded me of this time when we were little kids and there was a Japanese Deer Park down in LA somewhere. Does anyone remember that?  I remember she ruined our day because she kept eating the deer crackers and it was making our mother crazy.  I mean what could there have been in them?  On the other hand something is causing her seizures......
By the way have I told you all about the book I am writing?  This is for reals people.  You might recognize some of my stories in it some day but I can't publish it until my parents have gone safely to heaven.  The title of my book is  "Never Buy Sheets In A Strange Town:  What It Is Like Growing Up In A Normal American Family"  I promise to send you all autographed copies.  Well, I will sign them if you buy them.  And send money for postage.  I am not stupid.


3 comments:

JC said...

Oh poor Mush.
I fear what they will say when I take my gang in this year. Everyone of them is a furry ball except for Riley. He's my thin one.

ltlrags said...

"Vitameatavegamen! Oh no you didn't just make a Lucy reference.
My brown-paper-wrapped-box-tied-with-twine and return postage are in the mail today. Now you have me wishing for the early demise of your parents so I can read the book. You better not be messin' with me, cuz that sounds like a book you were born to write.

Meg & Quill said...

You're funny.