Friday, July 22, 2011

Guess What I Am?

So did I tell you guys that my doctor is trying to play the "Oh, you are a type 2 diabetic" card on me?  They even falsified my A1C blood test to show that I am 'insulin resistant'.  Me?  Resistant?  I AM NOT RESISTANT?  I am the most compliant, easy going person you are ever going to find.  Try to label me?  Are you serious? 
But in the interest of getting an "A" on my next blood test (because I have to keep my GPA up you know) I have been testing my blood every morning which is obviously a complete waste of time because obviously someone has been tampering with my test strips and my meter because every dang morning it is high  I don't know how they are doing it.  But I know they are.  I am going to buy a new one today.  Then we will see who has high blood glucose! 
Okay fine I will play along with their little game.  Watch what I eat blah blah blah..... get some exercise blah blah blah go out and do some shoplifting and sleeping around blah blah blah* 
Just to kiss up to the doctor I even hired on a health coach and met with her on Sunday.  She is just the type of person who usually makes me wonder what I did to make God mad at me because she is cute and thin and blond and really nice.  And she is going to help me reverse my (supposed) diabetes without medication.  This is the plan anyhow.  And how will she do it?  By brow beating me until my spirit is broken?   By dragging me to the gym and screaming at me about what a big loser I am?
Sure she probably wants to do those things.  But no..... she wants me to become....

A Vegan

(Insert Scary Music Here)

I will give you some time to absorb that

*Apologies to my very wonderful Vegan friends who are perfectly lovely people, shave their armpit hair and do not have dreadlocks.  You guys know I am just kidding, right?  By the way, can I get a medical marijuana card for having diabetes?  Cuz pricking my finger really stings.

1 comment:

critterlover said...

As your vegetarian, armpit and leg shaving, health food store workin' non Birkenstock wearin' friend (although I do wear sandals all the time)... I have to say:

I suspect, a plant based non animal food diet will be amazing for your health.

And, if you take it on with your normal vim and vigor and the fabulous sense of adventure and love for learning that I know you have, you may even find you enjoy it.