Monday, February 28, 2011

Bipolar Dieting

Dear Minions...... I have still not figured out why I can't download pictures.
No Bloggy Prince Charming swoped in to save the day.
Where is that dang Prince???  Get over here Buddy!!!  I need some saving!!!

So I thought I would relate to you a day in my life..... today in fact...  because my life is just that facinating.
I woke up at 5:15 and realized I was still sick.  Dragged myself out of bed.  Forgot to feed the dog.  Forgot to feed the front yard cat.  Dragged trash next to trash can but not into it so as not to wake up Lauren.
Got in the car and had my usual early morning conversation with God about my day while the frost de-frosted off the windshield. 
Convinced myself that I had to go to work
Went to work 
Left an hour later to go to business meeting in Yucaipa (and this is where things got dicey)
Drove through Carls Jr
Got an egg sandwich and hash browns (heaven help me, my first Diet Sin of the day)
Put the bag on the car floor and started conversation with diet angel and diet devil on my shoulders about eating it.
Lost battle over hash browns 5 miles later
Continued sandwich battle
Lost sandwich battle 50 miles later  (it was cold)(but still good, heaven help me)
Start thinking about my life.  Not a good sign.  THis is why I hate to drive alone.  Start thinking about weird dreams having lately about a man who seems to be combination of ex-husband and this other man I thought was my One True Love.  We keep getting married-- me and this hybrid man.  Always wake up happy.  Wonder what this means.
Started cookie battle
There is a McDonalds at the 215 freeway entrance.   They have good cookies.  They also have apple slices
Avoided McDonalds stopped at AM PM and purused market.  Eyed cookies.  Eyed ice cream  Eyed alcohol   Settled on trail mix no chocolate just nuts and raisins.
Put trail mix on floor of car
Continued to drive
Reached destination 1 hour early.   Answered phone calls from business contacts that couldnt be bothered to drive 2 hours to get $50,000   Am appalled and flabergasted by this.  Eye the trail mix  Go in to meeting  Find out 2 companies will be hour late.  Drink diet soda.  Whine to various people on the phone.
Meetings finally over.   Get back in car
Decide to drive to nearby casino to play the slots before I start back.  Figure I can get a good lunch too.  Get to casino and realize that is really stupid idea since I am in possession of large checks.  Start driving again.
Start looking for restaurant for lunch
Angel and devil are arguing furiously and giving me massive headache
I mean furiously and both have valid points.  Making head pound.  Even inner ears hurt.
Give in and stop at Burger King.  Look at menu to ascertain most healthy choice. 
Feeling very defeated buy a Whopper in spite of calorie count they put right on the menu!!!
And onion rings.  I mean if you are going to hell anyhow, may as well go all in, right?  Am grateful they don't have cookies too
Get back on freeway..... put bag on floor of car..... make it 20 miles before eating some onion rings.
Make it another 20 miles before eating bite of burger.  A Bite mind you
Continue ongoing inner dialog about life.  Wonder about dreams having lately about my boss where I am his mother.  Decide this one actually makes sense. 
Decide am having burger remorse.  Am overcome with disgust.  Pull over and throw burger and remaining onion rings away.
Decide to drive through the desert on the way home.  Not sure why.  Drive by Lake Los Angeles which used to be actual lake but is now just a area in the desert that is slightly hollowed out.  Meditiate on how in the world someone made that lake to start with.  More importantly-- why. 
Stop at mini market.  Cruise through market.  Eye wine.  Wonder if this could be written off as office expense.  Eye box of little chocolate donuts that are amazingly actually calling out my name.  Spend a lot of time.  Am disgusted with myself.  Buy M & Ms anyhow.  Even more disgusted now.
Start driving again. Actually open trail mix.  Eat some trail mix.  Eat an M & M.  Counting M & Ms.  Gradually get up to 12.  Pull over.  Throw out remainder of trail mix.  Wonder if crows eat M & Ms  decide if they will eat road kill will eat M & Ms.  Throw them out too.  Start thinking about how much stuff I have thrown out today, realize could have bought a cute sweater with the money I have thrown out for the birds.  Am disgusted with myself for wasting money
Finally get back to town.  Am attacked when walk in office with problems that have been waiting for me.
Want to cry.  Thinking about cookies again.  Thinking about Prince Charming again.  Thinking about just getting back in the car and driving out into the middle of the desert.........
Start thinking about Weight Watchers being a no win situation.  If I go and lost weight will feel like I can get away with stuff.  If go and gained weight will feel digusted with myself (as if that is new) and jump out of office window (yes the one on the ground floor-- it is the principal of the thing) Decide to skip Weight Watchers and go home.
Get home.  Go directly to bed.  Leave keys in front door.


ltlrags said...

That may not be the best day in dieting history, but although you gave in to the temptation of buying the food, you really did leave a lot by the side of the road. For that you get a pat on the back... and a $250 ticket for littering.

JC said...

I was going to ask how ww was going for you but you answered that question. Let's start new together cause I need to lose ten lbs fast. (something about fitting into an airline seat is a bit scary if you know what I mean)