Sunday, February 22, 2015

Intentions

You can call them 'resolutions' or 'goals' or whatever word fits.  For me, I have made a decision to be intentional about my health.
Being 'Intentional' is a big goal of mine.  Being reactionary has resulted in a lot of regrets.  Ignoring reality hasn't served me well either.  Well, maybe sometimes.  Sometimes there is just too much reality to really focus on it.
This past 5 years have been rough in relation to my parents and their health.  It seemed impossible to really feel satisfied with their situation.  It seemed it always felt as if we were not sure if they were getting proper medical attention.  We were not sure how much of their complaints were 'real' and how much was exaggerated and how much was ignored on their part.  Until my mom passed away it seemed as though they were caring for each other well enough.  They were eating well.  They were safe.  Once she was gone there was never a time we felt that way for our dad.  Was his confusion temporary grief or a fast onset of dementia that he would never recover and become the person he was?  Was hiring a caregiver the right thing to do?  Full Time Caregiver:  10 on the safety scale.  2 on the comfort scale.  He hated having people in his house.  Living alone without a full time caregiver was about a 3 on the safety scale (but only because we won the battle of the Medical Alert system) but about a 9 on the comfort scale.  Driving:  when he was allowed to drive he was a 9 on the independence scale and when he wasn't he was a 0 and hated it.  He also snuck out and drove around even when we thought we had keys and an air tight agreement with him not to drive.
Overall it was a never ending sense of not doing enough and not doing it right.
Then there was my job.  Which was and is a never ending horror show.
Then there was the house move
And the grandbaby (good stress but still stress... will I be able to provide for him since I am no spring chicken)
Etc Etc Etc....
And appearing pretty much nowhere on the list was LeAnn
And since there just was no time and no emotional energy left over I employed an impressive amount of ignoring what was going on in my own body.
So the weight was at an all time high 
And my teeth were cracking
And the blood pressure was high
And there was the vertigo and the chronic disk pain
And the diabetes.
I think I was the most purposely ignorant of my diabetes.  
Looking back now that I am forcing myself to deal with it I can see how poorly I was even trying to treat it.
My niece and nephew are Type 1 diabetics which basically means they have no working pancreas whatsoever.  It may as well not even be there.  They have to regulate their blood sugar by injecting insulin.  They will always have to do that (barring a cure which would rock).  Type 2 diabetics may or may not need injections because their pancreas works on and off.  It just does a really crappy job.
Looking back now I realize that I treated having diabetes like it wasn't a big deal.  It wasn't a real issue-- more like okay you are obese and diabetic.... blah blah blah....  I didn't visit the doctor because I didn't want to hear how bad my A1C reading was (that is a reading that basically indicates how controlled your diabetes is).  I wasn't monitoring my blood sugar.  I was eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it.  I was eating a lot of carbs (which converts to sugar) and I felt super crappy all the time.   And I have lost feeling in the top half of my feet.
It has been interesting to force myself to really pay attention to my body.  I realized I had to lose weight for many reasons.  I started researching bariatric surgery.  I found out I would have to give up soda for that.  That stopped me cold.  It sounds ridiculous but I really wasn't sure I could do that.  
Part of why I opened my eyes to the truth was because I had a little money to work with from the sale of our house.  That made dental work (no insurance) an option.  It made bariatric surgery a possibility 
So these days I am on Jenny Craig where I don't weigh myself so I don't know how the numbers add up.  What I do know is that my blood sugar is looking good and I know because I do my finger sticks and check it like I should.  And the doc took me off some of my blood pressure meds.  I am in visit 3 of 7 for my dental work.  I am having cracked wisdom teeth pulled on the 27th.  Yay (not).   I haven't had soda in a month.  Who knew I would like those little water drop things?  I am still in chronic pain from the disk problems and I will get around to that eventually I guess.  And I am getting a really cute medical alert bracelet so if I pass out  someone could do something fast.  I have gotten really close to that a few times no thanks to my crappy pancreas.
So now I am working on being proactive.  So that is good.   

2 comments:

ltlrags said...

Yay! I'm with you on avoiding reality... it's priceless... in small doses! But it sounds like paying attention to it has served you well too. Congratulations on the good results and less medication.

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