Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Starbucks Winners and My Journey

First:  The Winners of the Starbucks Gift Cards are:
Joshua from Virgina (remember-- coffee will stunt your growth)
Wayne from Pleasanton (and give you toe jams)
Yvonne from Michigan (do they have starbucks up there?)
Carol S from Lancaster, CA  (I know they have them here!)
Stacy from Out In The Middle Of The Desert (coffee also puts hair on your chest)
Congratulations to everyone who played!!!  (and Yes I am completely devastated a little disappointed that so few people played)
Are you ready?

Are you set?
Cuz it is time for you to watch me watch my weight.
Not because it is a New Years Resolution.
Not because I feel like an old person or because I am so tired all the time or because I look like crap (and don't say I don't because then I just won't respect you)
But because of peer pressure. Everyone around me is on a diet.
My co-worker is especially obnoxious because she started awhile back and she already has lost a lot of weight and is looking good. She is relentless. She wants me to stop drinking diet soda. I may have to kill her.  It isn't enough that I gave up the iced coffees that I love. But you can only push me so far. The soda remains........... for now.  Do you hear that Claudia-- back off the soda!

So I joined up at Weight Watchers because I know the program works. You must understand this about me--- my weight problem is not a matter of ignorance. I am very savvy about nutrition etc... I just don't do it. I cannot manage moderation: I am either entirely off the diet grid or I am a die-hard points counting, chicken breast weighing, a rice cake is a special treat kinda crazy person. In my life I have easily gained and lost 400 lbs. One time I lost 120 lbs in 9 months-- and it always creeps back. Maybe this time, instead of losing the weight, I should put it in a fireproof safe or something where it can never escape and find me and rejoin my butt again.

I'll try not to obsess on it-- except for the funny parts. Like the stroke I had when I weighed in. That was just hilarious. You gotta hand it to those WW employees-- she didn't crack a smirk or anything. I wonder what happens at their conventions though. Do they get liquored up and tell fat jokes? You know they do!  Do they secretly take pictures?  Do they laugh at how people practically undress and go to the bathroom to weigh as little as possible?

Overall it looks like a good group. There was only one aging Valley Girl who was all like   "O.M.G. I put on 4 ounces over Christmas (crying softly). Now NONE of my jeans fit! (whimpering and starting to sob) NO ONE IS GOING TO LOVE ME ANYMORE (all out wailing). My father never told me he loved me and my husband left me for another man. I found an M & M in the corner of the family room floor. It was covered in cat hair so I think maybe the dog had started to eat it and spit it out. I ATE IT ANYHOW (Weeping, gnashing of teeth)
It is possible that I only heard that conversation in my head.

So I am all set with my points calculator and my food journal! And my giant book of point values and my website tools. I know how many points I can use in a day and other interesting facts for example:

Raccoon is 2 pts for a 1 oz serving (who can stop at only a 1 oz serving though?)

Duck (domestic, without skin) is 6pts for 4oz. What I want to know is how many points for a Wild Disco Duck. You get points if you remember that song "Disco Duck") (and more points if that song is now stuck in your head-- Damn You Rick Dees!!)

Fruits are FREE!! ALL OF THEM!!! (Balloons are released) Even BANANAS!!!! (Waves of confetti come raining down)

The point value for Ostrich is the same as the pt value for Emu.

Here is something I do not understand. Maybe someone out there can explain this to me:

A 3 oz Hamburger patty is 3 pts. A hamburger bun is 4pts. Even taking into account the possible existence of mayonnaise,  How does this translate into a Carl's Jr Famous Star that is char broiled and has 18 pts? What do they do-- deep fry the whole thing? Do they douse it with oils? How is this possible???

By the way.... a tequila shot is 4 points........... I know that is important to some of you who don't think I should drink soda.... you know who you are.


critterlover said...

You are so funny! I don't get the Carl's Jr. thing either, what could they POSSIBLY to do it to make it 18 points? Good Grief!

Thanks for the points on the racoon, I am a veggie though, so unless there's a tofu version, I suppose it doesn't apply to me.

Stacy Vogt said...

I don't think the universe would continue to exist if we did not have diet soda. I am with you on that! Stand firm. I get the "that stuff is ssssooooooooobad for you" crap from family and friends too. It is really bad, but gee whiz, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I have tried to be good about everything else, so, leave me the f___k alone already!!!!! (I didn't say that I did not occasionally swear).