Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Business Trip

 Today was my first outing with my new friend Gpsie. 
Gpsie is cool.  She tells me what the speed limit is (65 mph)  and how fast I am going (4.5 mph) what time I should get home (5:17pm-- two weeks from now if traffic doesn't let up)

Me:  Gpsie today I need to go to a couple of jobsites
Gpsie:  Please follow the Pretty Pink Road
Me:  Gpsie I don't want to go on Hwy 138 over the mountains.
Gpsie:  Please exit at Hwy 138
Me: Nope I don't want to go on Hwy 138 over the mountains.
Gpsie:  Re-calculating.  Please exit at Pearblossom Hwy
Me:  I am not going that way
Gpsie:  Re-calculating.  LeAnn, you are being obstinate.  Please exit at Soledad Canyon Rd
Me:  I am not going that way and you can't make me
Gpsie:  Re-Calculating.  FINE FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!!
Me:  FINE!!  I will!!!

Drive, drive, drive.......
Me:  Gpsie, I don't know where I am.
Gpsie:  You need to get off on the 215 East
Gpsie:  I said EAST!!!  EAST!!  Re-calculating
(Ring Ring)  
Claudia:  Where are you?  YOu are late for your meeting!
Me: I think I am somewhere near where I am supposed to be but now there are trains! Two trains going in opposite directions!  Two Trains, different tracks, opposite directions!
Gpsie:  Your destination lies past the trains.

So I get to my meeting.  You would think these people would be happy to see me because I am bringing them money but nooooo they look like they want to kick me in the backside.  And I am in my power outfit too so I look like a female business Darth Vadar.  I should automatically command respect and fear... but this is curiously not working for me.  So after an hour of slowly deteriorating self-confidence, onset of stuttering and on the verge of the giggling... I shake hands all around and get the heck out of there.  Strong handshake:  Firm but not lesbianish.  Business like.  Darth Vader like just short of lifting them up by the neck until they are dead.
On the way out I took some pictures so you can all see what my company does.  We build beautiful buildings.  This is a high school.  I am the Corporate Controller which means  that people get to be mean to me and I have to accept it with a smile on my face.  Then I eat chocolate. I occasionally walk around jobsites in high heeled black boots and a hard hat and shake hands with men. In my field the ratio of men to women is about 100:1.  You would think I would meet someone in this atmosphere but sadly, no.  They think I am scary and very serious.  I know, hilarious, right?  They don't read this blog.  I am in completely awe of the guys who do the actual physical work on these buildings.  They were actually working on buildings in the middle of the site or you could see the scaffolding they use etc...  And no, that is not scaffolding in the pic on the right that is a staircase.  Scaffolding is not anywhere nearly as safe as that.  These are buildings that are finished.  Cool huh.

So, once back in the car I make up with Gpsie.
Me:  Gpsie, I need you.  You are the most awesome GPS system ever.  I am sorry I yelled at you!
Gpsie:  Proceed to La Caneda street and turn right
Gpsie:  Re-calculating  Proceed to 215-North
Me:  Sorry! 

Drive drive drive to next stop:  San Bernardino Unified School District Offices
Gpsie:  Please exit at H street
Me:  OMG there is a detour and all of the exits are closed
What follows is 20 minutes of trying to figure out how to bypass the detour and get to my next stop.  Shorter story:  I found it.  I got money. The people were nice.

Back on freeway on way home
Me:  Gpsie can we find a McDonalds cuz I really need an iced coffee
Gpsie:  We will never get home if you have to keep stopping for stuff
Me:  Pullleeease????
Gpsie:  Okay.  There is one right up there!

Drive Drive Drive.... traffic..... bumper to bumper....
Gpsie:  Please proceed to Hwy 5 north
Me:  Can I have a cookie?   LOOK A PETSMART!!  Do you think they have kitties?  Are we almost there yet?  I have to go to the bathroom!  LOOK A SQUIRREL!!!  I like blue cars, I wish I had a blue car.  I wonder why my tires unbalanced light was on this morning and now it isn't.  I wonder what I should fix for dinner.  I wonder if I should take English Lit or Anthropology this semester.  I NEED BLUE BOOTS!  Blue boots would be so cool.  I wonder if those people would have been friendlier if I had been wearing blue boots.  ARE WE THERE YET?
Drive Drive Drive

I made several observations today:
1)  I am so thankful I work in town and don't drive every day.  I hate driving
2)  Darth Vader outfit may not be best for jobsite meetings
3)  I love Gpsie even if she doesn't understand yet that I have to go on the 210 freeway to every destination in southern California.  Even if it takes longer.
4)  There are a LOT of places uglier than Lancaster. 
5)  Corona smells like cows

Stay tuned Geeezers--- I may have to go out to a High School in Adelanto Friday.  ON THE 210 freeway, lol!


JC said...

You live a WILD and CRAZY life !!!

ltlrags said...

Funniest blog of the year. OMG! I was litterally crying. And Kody was reading and laughing along with me. He likes #'s 4&5 best.