More Reasons Not To LIke Utah

Over the past few days I heard the following news items about Utah on the Family Talk station I listen to on my Blackberry:
A bank was held up. The clerk does not know if the robber was armed but assumes that he was.
Murder of BYU professor. More than 30 guns missing from his home
Police officer aledges he was fired for turning in another officer who had porn on the office computer (People in Utah don't look at porn!)
Chuck-a-rama has the best home cooking
Bills at the capital to increase cigarette taxes (People in Utah don't even smoke!)
2 people accused of stealing metal vases from a cemetary.
House passed tax break for hiring unemployed workers (as opposed to hiring Employed workers?)
The sage grouse will not be listed as an endangered species (Thank Goodness!)
Pilot made a landing on Hwy 6 without causing any accidents
34 Yr Old Veronica Montez was thought to be kidnapped but was found by Homicide detectives hiding in the crawl space of her home. (Was Snowy there too?)
The high is Ghetto Roasted Turkey (I swear they said this- I think it was another commercial for Chuck-a-rama)
First person charged with new animal cruelty laws. Anthony Spinal got a sentence for beating kicking and throwing his girlfriends puppy against a wall and recording the abuse on her cell phone voice mail. (this is true. How disgusting)
One million tons of radioactive waste taken to the Colorado River (That explains a lot)
Man was arrested after drug sniffing dog found heroin inside a bag of Funions. (I thought it was pot that gave you the munchies? HEY PEOPLE IN UTAH DON"T USE DRUGS!!)
34 year old cafeteria worker arrested for having a 9 month long sexual relationship with a middle school child. She has been placed on PAID administrative leave. (It is probably just a group marriage thing)
More reasons I don't like Utah