We Last Saw The Princess and the Older Sister as they arrived at the Reception Area of the Mysterious Dungeon of ‘We are not a time share’ Time Share Company
Our sales person Sir Ken of Amway introduced himself and led us to our table where he promised we would spend no longer than 90 minutes listening to a very low key fairy tale about magical destinations after which we would be free to have our prize bestowed upon us.
The Older Sister is a patient soul. A simple soul. A soul with expectations of life that are so low that even the slightest hint of prosperity is like a party. And so she sat quietly trying not to interfere while Mr. Amway (who was the perfect gentleman, I will say) regaled us with tales and pictures of places so majestic that her mind could not even comprehend the possibility of a visit.
Nay, not even if the payments were made ridiculously low.
And then the coup de grace; question upon question designed to denigrate, demoralize and humiliate--- how long had it been, Sweet Princess, since your last full weeks vacation? Do you not even DREAM of such a thing? Do you not realize that you DESERVE such a thing? Where, in all the world would you go if ever crass lucre were not a consideration? Dear, Sweet Princess… you work much too hard… you take care of far too many peasants… your manicure is rough sewn by years of pounding clothing on rocks and plucking chickens….. do you not see that your very life is passing you by????
The Rogue offered us COOKIES! He even played the “I was a single dad and I regret not spending more quality time with my kids” card.
Oh yes, HE DID go there! The man was a WIZARD I tell you!
And so, dear readers, my conscious soul rose above my body so that I could see the empty shell with the vacant eyes nodding ascension to the Duke of Amway and his horrid stories………
As fate would have it, it was just this moment that the Chimes rang out!!! Go forth, Princesses, into the Theater of Magnificent Manipulation ….. where we met Jackie the Earl of Imaginings. Sir Jackie questioned us, all 40 or so, one by one by one…. about our fondest dreams of vacationing…..
Where would we go if we could travel anywhere at all and it didn’t cost a thing….. Ahhhh….. perish the thought! Why, I say, WHY entertain such thoughts???? Does it not make one discontented?? Does it not exasperate the soul?????
”A Trip Around the World With CHOCOLATE” exclaimed the Younger Princess to the delight of the crowd.
”You CAN live your dreams’ said the Earl. If you want to.... Soon” he continued “ you will return to Master Amway and he will show you the scale models of our resorts and introduce you to the Miracle Manager who will help you see how you can live out your own fantasy.”
At this point I glanced at my time piece, expecting to see that we had been held prisoner for at least a fortnight…… but no! Time passes strangely in the
Momentarily, the Miracle Manager floats to our table and begins to spin her web:
Can you buy it with some cash? No, we cannot buy it with some cash!
Can you trade it for some stash? NO! We will not trade it for some stash!
Would you, could you with a card? We would not, could not with a card!
We will not buy your timeshare plan, we will not buy your plan, my man!!
Sadly, sadly they walk away… and in their place a new knight appears! “Hello, said he! I am Baron vonTimeshare and it is my job to make sure you understand the riches you will behold in nary a moment in the prize room!”
Are you ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you cannot buy our plan?
What if the costs were half as much? Would you, could you go dutch?
Share the plan, that is not so bad? Would it not be nice to be less sad?
Think me not a cad, said the lad, I just hope that you might think a tad.
Are you MAD? Replied I
Can we not escape this Dungeon of Doom and Despair???? Alright, said he and led us off to the
End of Part Two Please deposit an additional $20.00 to continue
6 comments:
Great humor about how to waste your time! Wish more could read it and avoid being taken advantage of. If you are interested in a timeshare at an affordable price, simple shop at your own leisure online in the resale world. My family had a great vacation in Lake Tahoe thanks to finding the owners' ad at www.TimeshareAdventures.com. We just rented a week at one fourth of the rental rate.
Thanks for making me smile today...seriously!
What a great narrative style! Offered you cookies! Cave of Prizes! Just wonderful...
So many people go through such similar experiences, and end up BUYING a timeshare! Why, cruel world, why?
My question .. did I miss part one of the chocolate ?
TimeshareRelief: I think a lot of people have trouble saying 'no' and they break you down until you feel so depressed and vulnerable that they have you right where they want you... hehehe
I know I really felt like crap afterwards. I felt like I needed a cigarette and a shower!
JC~ Did you find part one??
Yes, I did ... thank you ... while I was away .. playing.
What a creative way to express your opinion over timeshare sales and their deceiving timeshare presentation.
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