Pip & The Killer Koi

One day I remembered that Mr. Pip the Squirrel had told me that
there were legends and myths of the forest. And so I, with nothing
better to do with my day, made way to Pip's corner of the Great forest of Winter Blooming Camellias. "Mr. Pip!!! Yoooo Hooo!!"
I spied him foraging on the ground for food. "Mr Pip, might I interrupt your food gathering to request another story?" "Food gathering? Phsaw! I dropped my car keys somewhere around here! But since you mention food, what did you bring me today?"

Today I came prepared with a Caramel Macchiano AND a Marshmellow Krispie Treat!
"Hmmm that is satisfactory, good woman. Please sit down and I will tell you the Story of the Killer Koi as I nibble on this fabu breakfast"


Deep in the forest lies a pond. In it reside the Killer Koi, or more specifically nishikigoi, literally brocaded carp which are actually ornamental domesticated varieties of the common carp, Cyprinus carpio. They do not appear to be dangerous, au contraur! But truly, this is The Goldfish Pond Of Doom! (in spite of the fact that they are not, in fact, goldfish or Carassius auratus). Some say it is only a legend but I have seen this before, with my very eyes! In fact I captured one incident with my new Samsung digital camera. On this one particular day a small child was lured to the pond by the beautiful gigantic koi. It can be no accident that the collective noun for a group of goldfish is a "troubling". Of course they are not truly gold fish per se, but are actually Koi from the carp family. But I hold that they are, in fact, troubling even so. "Look Daddy! See the beautiful gold colored fish which are not really gold neither are they goldfish but are in fact orange colored koi?"
The father, not sensing the danger he and his young son were in, sat egging him on and taking
pictures!"Oh my goodness" said I "If those orange colored goldfish which are neither gold colored nor goldfish should jump out of the Pond of Doom and snatch the nose right off that boy's face, it is going to take a lot of time on Photoshop to make him look remotely normal again!"

"That is so" sighed Pip "But the father was focused on focusing. "My son" said the father "hold out this goldfish cracker and see if the pretty gold colored fish which is neither a goldfish nor a gold fish will eat it" "Ah, delicious irony!" said I. "Quite so" agreed Pip. "Were you aware that Goldfish are snack crackers manufactured by Pepperidge Farm and that these crackers come in several flavors and are shaped and colored like small, cartoonish goldfish. Approximately half of the crackers have smiles, while the others lack any expression."

SUDDENLY the Giant Koi propelled itself toward the boy, grabbed him with his razorsharp teeth and pulled him down, down, down into the depths of the Goldfish Pond Of Doom"

"Glug, glug, glug"

and the waters were still once more...
except for those Killer Koi!..

"What have we to learn from this, Mr Pip?"

"The moral of this story is this........ Killer Koi are good for only two things: Decorative water treatments and.............. Tartar Sauce

And with that, Pip scampered off into the forest......... until next time.

The End
(Literally)

(All in fun, Dear Cousin Susie.... all in fun)