Free The Magnussans: An Open Letter to The City of Anywhere Town

Dear City Employee who came by to harass my neighbors, the Magnussans:

I understand that you have a boring stupid job and you probably have low self esteem because of this, but you need to understand that it isn't right to take the disappointment you feel over your sadly wasted life in bureaucracy out on my neighbors. I live nearby (certainly not across the street) and I can tell you that anything you found on their driveway was just there while they cleaned out the garage. If they have some brown spots, well it is the Mojave Desert-- everyone has a few brown spots.
If you want to see a house with some serious issues, look at this one.
There are trash receptacles barring the gate so the dog won't get out. There is a car that doesn't work in the driveway! Their rose bushes are taking over the flower beds in several locations! There is a brown spot in the lawn because the aforementioned dog peed there! There is another hole in the fence where that same dog chewed through the wood! And worst of all, they keep their Christmas lights up. All. Year. Long!

It is easy to understand how the City is short on cash what with all the good restaurants being in That Nearby Town. Next to the Mall. And all the other cool shopping centers. And we all know that the whole Anywhere Town Boulevard thing is a big disappointment-- you have been trying to make that a Hot Spot for years. But no matter how many pretty blinking white lights you put up no one is ever going to go there. Get over it. The last time that area was popular was when the high school kids used to cruise every weekend. Not that I am old enough to remember that or anything. In fact if I had ever been there back in the day I might remember crashing through someones block wall one night in Cathy Ruff's dad's car. Good Times.......

So please. Stop projecting your anger on to innocent, law abiding citizens. Kathy and her kids are awesome! They open their homes to special needs kids. They are active in the church! They let me babysit their hedgehog once! (Oh yeah, I said hedgehog) If arranged marriages were legal I would be buying up camels, gold bracelets and nose rings and heading on over there to marry off my daughter to Braden. She already wants the nose ring anyhow! Sure, she can't cook, and I have no visible evidence that she can clean-- but she can do laundry!

So Mr. City Man--- in conclusion...... How about you leave my peeps alone and go check out the Giant Asparagus growing in the area next to the Movie Theater where all the great restaurants are supposed to go? Now there is an issue that really needs to be addressed!

Sincerely,

a concerned citizen who doesn't live anywhere near the Magnussons or the Giant Asparagus