NEW BLOG INFORMATION!!

   IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:

My new blog is up and running now--- FINALLY

So please head over to  GeeezBlog.com  and start following me there!!

Important Announcement

For a long time now I have been frustrated with this blog.
Not because I don't love to do it--- because I really do-- but because of some technical issues with this particular blog platform.
It just isn't the easiest one to use:  It frequently dumps what I am doing without saving the post. Downloading pictures isn't too bad but putting them where I want them to be is crazy making. Sometimes I hit the 'enter' button only to have the pictures re-arrange themselves in a random manner.  It can take me an hour just to get pictures to be where I want them--- or I just give up and let them be where they decide to stay.  
So I have been doing some research and I believe I am figuring out where to move my blog.  
I believe I will be able to re-tool and re-format this blog into something a lot more fun to read and easier to put together.  And being easier and faster to post means I have more time to post more often.
I will be sure to let you know when to move to the new domain.

In the meantime I would love to get some feedback from all of you.  And by 'all of you' I really do mean ALL of you.
At the very least I would love it if you would comment here or send me a quick email or post a comment on facebook telling me who you are and any small demographic information you would care to share (like where you live or how oldish you are or if you)  I would like to know what kind of content is most interesting to you or any feedback you may have.

I know that I get a lot of spammers that send me messages--- if that is 'you' please feel free to just move along and spam somewhere else.   And because I know there are people out there just looking to send me messages trying to get me to sell stuff I am not sure how accurate my readership numbers and my viewing statistics really are.  I don't know how many of you are out there.
(OMG it just dumped and lost half a post)

Anyhow........    Please do let me know you are out there.  Hopefully I will get back up and running soon!!
Hugs and Kisses~~~
LeAnn

Another Post THIS SOON????

All day long today I have teetered on the edge.
Because it has not been a good day at work.
It started out with a text message when it was still far too dark outside-- even taking Daylight Savings Time into account-- from my boss letting me know that one of our crew got into an accident in a company vehicle which did not have an insurance card in the glove box.  And so I jumped into something presentable (if only in comparison to my jammies) and hauled butt into my office where I had to admit (after an exhaustive search) that this newish truck did not appear to be insured.  I do not know how I managed to transfer title and register a truck without proof of insurance--- but I am just that good incompetent.
And the day went downhill from there.
I wish I were one of those people who deflect blame for their mistakes but I am usually busy taking all the blame for everything.  I mean, I still blame myself for my divorce and most people that know the story think that is ludicrous.  And by ludicrous I mean ridiculous, not the rapper.  Because I don't even know him and for sure don't think I am him.  That is ridiculous.
Anyhow......
So I spent most of the day wavering between ** self flagellation and having an inner debate about cookies.
Because about 94.75% of my brain really believes that food really will solve every problem and the reason I am so stressed out is because I haven't had chocolate in ages.  Or ice cream.  Ice cream works too.  I wish that my brain believed that "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" but my brain thinks that is BS.  Number 1:  I have no idea what skinny feels like.  Nor do I understand "bootilicious" or "chunky" or even 'heavy'  I only know what FAT feels like and I really have nothing to compare that to.  Unless you count self-loathing and guilt.  Because if I balance Chocolate cake followed by a  Self Loathing and Guilt chaser vs another bowl of broccoli with a side of unresolved stress.... I go with the broccoli these days.  But it doesn't feel good.  It feels bad.  And by bad I mean crappy.  And by crappy I really mean a VERY BAD WORD that I won't say in case Grandma J. is reading this.   
After hours and hours of being incompetent and stressed out and fantasising about the Double D Cupcake store down the street... I finally snuck into the back storage room and sat in the dark to think about my life.  Which was awesome and yet did not make me stop thinking about Costco muffins.  Go figure.  And because I was raised to have extremely low expectations in life I did an inventory of the likelihood that I could make enough money doing free lance accounting or being the Very Best Hamburger flipper at McDonalds or creating the world's most impressive 'Will Work For Frappacinos" panhandling sign and decided (once again) that regardless of what level of Hell I was living in right now that the grass is never ever greener on the other side.  Even if I am living in the radioactive fallout of a hundred nuclear bombs it is still better than what is "Out There",  Because "Out There" may be zombies or goldfish or never ending bowls of broccoli with no hope of chocolate.


And the vocabulary word of the day (just in case you weren't raised to hate yourself properly)  is:

Noun

1.

self-flagellation - self-punishment inflicted by whipping.

PS:  I had two plain rice cakes with peanut butter while I wrote this.  And I still feel bad about myself.  Right?  Oh Yeah

And I Want A Dog!

So here is a quick update on how my 2015 goals are going:

Diet---
So far so good.  Mostly.  Last Friday I did have a meltdown which resulted in consuming actual meat.  I am an omnivore, dammit.  I needed some meat.   It was so good. It was amazing.  This is not to say I haven't had ANY meat since the first of the year, just the first time I have had a piece of meat that was big enough to need to be cut into pieces.  I would say it was better than sex but who am I trying to kid-- I haven't had sex in 18 years.  It is not like I even remember it any more.  

Teeth:  Halfway through my dental work.  Only have a root canal, crown and 6 fillings to fix.  Currently the gums are still healing from the wisdom teeth extractions from 2 weeks ago.  I say this optimistically because right now there are two places in my mouth where the jawbone is exposed and I am told that 'Hopefully the gums will fill it".  Meanwhile my tongue is going crazy wanting to touch it and see if it is still exposed.  Like 100 times a day it has to wander over there and check it out.  I would have pictures of it but my phone camera won't flash inside my mouth.  Trust me I have tried.  And I cannot get anyone around me to feel it and/or take a picture.  I have made repeated requests too.  Nada

Work-- still sucks.  Today we went to breakfast and the waitress' boss had taped a "KICK ME" sigh on her back and all I could think of was how lucky she was that at least HER BOSS ISN'T PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

My Parents:  Today we went out to see my Dad's gravemarker and it was the first time to see both their names on their headstone together- which was touching. (Brief stop for inappriopriate humor.  It was touching emotionally.  They actually have their own grave markers that aren't touching.  Someone mentioned going to the zoo today and I had a thought that a cemetary is kinda like a zoo for dead people.  Think about it).  And a little startling I guess seeing it in words.   I haven't made a lot of headway settling their estate because my dad was pretty OCD about keeping everything.  Which is good and bad.  The good part is I have A MILLION PIECES of paper so chances are I have something for every situation.  The bad part is that he moved things around a lot from bank to bank and spread them around to several accounts in each bank.  And his life insurance and federal savings accounts got sold and moved and so I am just sending out letters everywhere and hoping something sticks.  We went through their whole house with a fine toothed comb and didn't find a money stash which I just find hard to believe.  He was the 'cash hidden in a book type' for sure.  But just to through off any burglars off he either hid it so well no one would ever find it or just let people THINK he was a hoarder but actually spent it all on online gambling or something else that would leave no clue as to where it all went.   I mean the man had a sour cream tub on his counter he kept food scraps in-- you can't tell me there isn't some bugging out money in that house somewhere.

Parker:    My grandson is so amazing.  Every day he makes me just stop and feel so blessed to have him in my life.  Also there are times where I ponder how someone so small can be so crazy already.  He reminds me of my Mother:  He talks all the time.  He will fall asleep talking and wake up talking like he never stopped.  He doesn't require, nor especially prefer, that I participate in the conversation.  (To be succinct-- it hardly qualifies as a conversation it is so one sided)  Both of them say (said) a lot of things that don't make sense.  Both of them jump from subject to subject and expect me to have made the jump with them.
The other day he pooped in his diaper, took it off and brought it to his mom.  We realized it is time to potty train.  Oh, wait.... we don't POTTY TRAIN these days, right young moms?  It is Toilet Teaching?  Because you TRAIN a dog but you TEACH your toddler.  Oh, and I suppose it isn't okay to use electric shock any more either?  Or the switch off the tree outside.  Is it still okay to use M & Ms for rewards?  Yeah and I suppose you have to use ORGANIC WHOLE GRAIN Oaty Oohs in the toilet for target practice?    For his 2nd birthday his Papa Fenner (an aged man with a long gray beard who whittles animals out of driftwood and eats head cheese) got him an Elmo Potty Seat.  This is awesome.  Lauren got it out today.  When you 'flush' it Elmo chortles and it makes a flushing sound.  I already hate it.  Why does EVERY kids toy have to make sounds.  I mean COME ON.... SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO GROW OLD HERE!

I gotta go...........

Intentions

You can call them 'resolutions' or 'goals' or whatever word fits.  For me, I have made a decision to be intentional about my health.
Being 'Intentional' is a big goal of mine.  Being reactionary has resulted in a lot of regrets.  Ignoring reality hasn't served me well either.  Well, maybe sometimes.  Sometimes there is just too much reality to really focus on it.
This past 5 years have been rough in relation to my parents and their health.  It seemed impossible to really feel satisfied with their situation.  It seemed it always felt as if we were not sure if they were getting proper medical attention.  We were not sure how much of their complaints were 'real' and how much was exaggerated and how much was ignored on their part.  Until my mom passed away it seemed as though they were caring for each other well enough.  They were eating well.  They were safe.  Once she was gone there was never a time we felt that way for our dad.  Was his confusion temporary grief or a fast onset of dementia that he would never recover and become the person he was?  Was hiring a caregiver the right thing to do?  Full Time Caregiver:  10 on the safety scale.  2 on the comfort scale.  He hated having people in his house.  Living alone without a full time caregiver was about a 3 on the safety scale (but only because we won the battle of the Medical Alert system) but about a 9 on the comfort scale.  Driving:  when he was allowed to drive he was a 9 on the independence scale and when he wasn't he was a 0 and hated it.  He also snuck out and drove around even when we thought we had keys and an air tight agreement with him not to drive.
Overall it was a never ending sense of not doing enough and not doing it right.
Then there was my job.  Which was and is a never ending horror show.
Then there was the house move
And the grandbaby (good stress but still stress... will I be able to provide for him since I am no spring chicken)
Etc Etc Etc....
And appearing pretty much nowhere on the list was LeAnn
And since there just was no time and no emotional energy left over I employed an impressive amount of ignoring what was going on in my own body.
So the weight was at an all time high 
And my teeth were cracking
And the blood pressure was high
And there was the vertigo and the chronic disk pain
And the diabetes.
I think I was the most purposely ignorant of my diabetes.  
Looking back now that I am forcing myself to deal with it I can see how poorly I was even trying to treat it.
My niece and nephew are Type 1 diabetics which basically means they have no working pancreas whatsoever.  It may as well not even be there.  They have to regulate their blood sugar by injecting insulin.  They will always have to do that (barring a cure which would rock).  Type 2 diabetics may or may not need injections because their pancreas works on and off.  It just does a really crappy job.
Looking back now I realize that I treated having diabetes like it wasn't a big deal.  It wasn't a real issue-- more like okay you are obese and diabetic.... blah blah blah....  I didn't visit the doctor because I didn't want to hear how bad my A1C reading was (that is a reading that basically indicates how controlled your diabetes is).  I wasn't monitoring my blood sugar.  I was eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it.  I was eating a lot of carbs (which converts to sugar) and I felt super crappy all the time.   And I have lost feeling in the top half of my feet.
It has been interesting to force myself to really pay attention to my body.  I realized I had to lose weight for many reasons.  I started researching bariatric surgery.  I found out I would have to give up soda for that.  That stopped me cold.  It sounds ridiculous but I really wasn't sure I could do that.  
Part of why I opened my eyes to the truth was because I had a little money to work with from the sale of our house.  That made dental work (no insurance) an option.  It made bariatric surgery a possibility 
So these days I am on Jenny Craig where I don't weigh myself so I don't know how the numbers add up.  What I do know is that my blood sugar is looking good and I know because I do my finger sticks and check it like I should.  And the doc took me off some of my blood pressure meds.  I am in visit 3 of 7 for my dental work.  I am having cracked wisdom teeth pulled on the 27th.  Yay (not).   I haven't had soda in a month.  Who knew I would like those little water drop things?  I am still in chronic pain from the disk problems and I will get around to that eventually I guess.  And I am getting a really cute medical alert bracelet so if I pass out  someone could do something fast.  I have gotten really close to that a few times no thanks to my crappy pancreas.
So now I am working on being proactive.  So that is good.   

Follicle Fiasco

I like to experiment with my hair.
If I were young I would probably have violet or teal colored hair but since I am firmly middle aged I stick to more natural colors.  And by 'natural' I mean they might possibly be represented in nature one at a time but not in any other combination.
Eventually, if you switch from red to blond to burgandy to brown etc etc etc.... you damage your hair.
After the last highlighting binge my hair was pretty fried.   So I got it trimmed.  And by 'trimmed' I mean cut really short.   Like 'Peter Pan Trying To Look Like a Boy' short.  Just short of Sinead O'Connor short.  Like Justin Bieber short.
Too Short
I don't like it.   At all.
Some days I wear a beret but I am not really sure I rock it.  When I am not wearing the hat my piggy bank, Senor Pig wears it.  He looks pretty good

By the time I get up in the morning my cpap straps have it looking like I was electrocuted.

And now that it is starting to grow out millimeter by millimeter..... the grey is starting to show.  Also the natural hair that is not yet gray is brunette.  So basically I look like a calico cat is asleep on my head

Me-OW!!!

Just Another Example of My Questionable Judgement

Remember how one of my 'goals' for 2015 is to have more fun?  ('Member That?')(Who know what show that is from?  Current show....)

It may be possible that I have done a teeeny weeensy bit of regression....
Or maybe it is just a bit of Mid Life Rebellion
Call it what you may.  Tell me what you think!

Monday I am over at the Oral Surgeon's office where they are taking another round of x-rays of my Incredible Erupting & Splitting Wisdom teeth.
Here is the exchange:

Tech:  Okay we are going to put you in that head vise over there and once I have stepped away where it is safe I am going to push a button and the arms of the machine are going  to press so hard against your temples that your eyeballs pop out and roll around on the floor to ever so gently cradle your head in position so we can take a panoramic picture of your whole entire mouth as well as the back of your head.
Me:  Ummmm okay?
Tech:  First you need to take everything out of your mouth
Me:  (spitting out my chewing tobacco, a big double wad of Bubblicious, couple of rubber bands, a hamster, my tongue, some paper clips, a spit wad I was saving for when I got back to my office and some toe nails (not saying who's))
Tech:  And you will need to take off your earrings.
Me:  My earrings?
Tech:  Yes, your earrings.
Me:  ALL of them?
Tech:  How many ways do I have to explain that you need to take out all your earrings or they will heat up until your ear lobes catch fire and make your brain boil like a saucepan of oatmeal?
Me:  (Whining) But I just got my ears pierced.  Again.  Do I have to take the new ones out?
Tech:  Seriously?
(At this point I feel like I should pause to confess that I recently got my ears pierced.  Again.  So that makes 6 piercings.  Buahahhhwahhh... NOT IN BOTH EARS!  How crazy is that.... After 3 they are cartilage piercings.  I checked.  I have 3 in each ear.  That is right I AM a bad ass)
Me:  (Insert mental picture of Puss In Boots doing his pleading kitty cat face)
Tech:  Take.   Out.   All.   Your.   Earrings

Of course I forgot to put them back in so I had to re-pierce the new holes later that night.  
Did you want to hear about that?
Hello?
Hello?
(Tap Tap)
Is this thing on?

Shhhhhhh..........

(Be very quiet while you read this--- "THEY" might be listening)

I think there is a conspiracy at foot involving my family.

Possibly your also--- it is subtle and you may not have noticed.

In the last few years  sadists dental professionals have been prescribing a certain procedure to everyone in the family.  One by one we have been told that we 'need' to have our wisdom teeth removed.  In December alone Becca AND Zach had theirs removed.  One by one by one until only mine survived.

Why is it that 'someone' feels so threatened by our family wisdom that they must eliminate the threat?   I mean, don't tell them I said this, but it isn't like there is any true genius going on there.    With everyone else I mean.  As for me-- all four of my wisdom teeth grew in.  Obviously this proves my superiority.  (don't be jealous, it isn't becoming)

But now..... now those who would steal our wisdom have made their boldest move ever: 

THEY HAVE GONE AFTER ME!!!!!!

Now the pieces are starting to fit together.  'Someone' has eliminated all the minor threats and now seek to snuff out the brightest star in the universe.  The holder of all Wisdom.  The Matriarch of the family.  The True Leader of the Pack.

My own personal sadist Dental Professional has declared war on my mouth.   About 25 years ago 'They' snatched one my them.  And now, just because one is completely cracked in half and has cracked the molar next to it and has ground down the wisdom tooth above it-- he thinks it needs to come out.  And just because the one under the missing one has now 'Super Erupted' he wants that one out too.  Who knew that wisdom teeth are like goldfish--- growing to whatever space allowed?  
Is it worth the price of the remaining wisdom in the ENTIRE FAMILY fix these little problems?   What will we do when there is NO wisdom left?

Well, at least I will get a Crown out of the deal.  The Queen should have a crown!

In Which We Snoop Around

Having worked out way through the adventures of hospital stays, funeral arrangements and memorial planning we are now moving in to the next exciting phase:  Settling The Estate.

And by 'exciting' I mean I don't know what I am doing but it is kind of like a Literal and Figurative Treasure Hunt.  And we feel really creeped out going through their stuff.  Every so often I have this feeling I am gonna get in trouble.

So Monica and I went to see our friendly neighborhood estate attorney the other day.  He handled the trust my dad set up.  "Trust" makes it sound as if they had a lot of money.  What it really means is that he didn't want my sister and I to fight over who gets to keep the growth he picked off his own head and kept in a jar in the cupboard. (I really wish that were a joke)

Actually I guess anyone can set up a trust and all it does is bypass the probate court.  (please insert 'The More You Know Theme Song')

So he suggested that we go through the house very very thoroughly because people of his generation stashed cash in weird places.

In my generation this means we put our credit cards in the freezer.  In my kids' generation it means their parents put their credit cards in the freezer and, since they are 30 years old and still living at home pursuing their Dreams-- they can't reach the pint of Ben & Jerry's they want to eat in their basement 'apartment' so they are enraged and yelling about their Rights!  (Note:  Okay this is a hypothetical because my son and daughter in law have their own freezer in their own house and my daughter... she is not 30 years old)

So Saturday we gathered to look for stashes of cash   important papers.  Of course, this is MY definition of important papers because my fathers definition included receipts for stuff that is older than I am, warranties & manuals for every thing he ever bought, a diagram of something electrical but we have no idea what it was, commodations from work (Dear US Government-- seriously?  Either he was the most amazing employee ever or you just hand those out like candy.  Where I work, a Good Job Commendation means my office key still works),  papers from the time he got a Sears credit card in 1976, original birth certificates and marriage certificates and death certificates from virtually every family member and the list goes on and on.  We found a file box full of the documentation of his fight with "The Man" and by that I mean the poor guy who wanted to build on that huge empty acreage at the southwest corner of 20th West and Ave I because hell hath no fury like an 50 year old Grumpy Old Fart who doesn't want a bunch of apartments put up in HIS neighborhood.  I found his Antelope Valley Community College transcripts as well as his diplomas.  Not as high a GPA as mine, thank you.  By the way he never believed I had at least gotten my AA degree there But I Most Certainly Did!!  (Getting your AA from AV College is a tradition in our family.  Brandon even got one there before being the first (so far cuz his cousins are on their way too) one to get his BS)

We also looked through my mom's jewelry box where we found a lot of cool vintage looking clip on earrings and brooches and lockets.  And a few..... gulp........... gold fillings.  O.M.G.  So gross.  I don't even want to know where those came from.  

We found my maternal grandfathers swimming medals (those will be coming your way soon David).  We found binoculars. (?)  And the flash bulbs from old cameras (remember those?)

What we did not find the crown jewels.  Or One Million Dollars in cash and prizes.  Chicken Boullion but no Gold.  

I have not yet found the letter that lovingly says good bye you were a wonderful child sorry I forgot to tell you.  Or an admission that I was part of the Alien Child Exchange Program but I know that I was.   But I am not giving up.  There might be something somewhere.  

Taking Care of My Own Stuff

One of the things I learned from my father was that you take care of your own 'stuff'.  And by 'stuff' I mean your possessions, your thoughts (aka don't have some psychiatrist screwing around in your brain), your emotions (for crying out loud keep all of those to yourself it is dangerous to let those out!) and your situations.  The very very bottom of the barrel, just one tiny step above death, the last possible resort: to ask for help.
Most of the time this works out okay for me.  There aren't too many things I can't do with a glue gun and determination.

Moving a chair upstairs is not one of them as I found out recently.
First you need to understand my relationship with this chair.  I need to have a chair in my bedroom.  I don't like to read in bed or watch TV in bed.  Sometimes I cant sleep laying down because of the pain in my shoulders.  Even though I have had small bedrooms I have always had a chair in there too.  When we moved into this new apartment I hadn't planned on having a chair in there.  It is a small room. But I missed my chair.  I needed my chair.  So the other day I decided to bring it upstairs.  
So about the pain in my shoulders... I have disk degeneration in my neck.  Probably my lower back too, but the ones in my neck have been causing me problems for a long time.  I do a lot of things in odd ways to accommodate.  For example I mop the floors with towels and my feet.  I push a lot of things on the floor with my feet.  Etc...  I have managed to kind of roll furniture to move it and I figured I could do that with my chair.  At the last minute I asked my sister to help.  That pained me but I did it.  I know.... hoisting my 'stuff' onto someone else.  Breaking an important family rule. 
 As you can see we got it to the top of the stairs.  We even got it past the baby gate!  It was then that we ran into problems....

Some of you may recall the time I got trapped by my bed.  Well, actually I was trapped IN my bed.  I got my arm stuck... long story... anyhow.  I have a history of being trapped by my furniture.  So this was my sister taking pictures because I was trapped in my bedroom.  
After awhile we gave in and called my nephew Zachary for help.  We (and by we I mean me) knew we were setting ourselves up for endless jokes and ridicule for the predicament I was in but there wasn't any food in there so I knew I couldn't last too long.    After Zachary stopped laughing he realized he couldn't do anything either and so we called Brandon.  Well, my sister did because I didn't have my phone.  That's right trapped in my room with NO PHONE OR FOOD!  As I understand it Brandon's response was "Okay Ethel I will be right over"  alluding to the fact that there is a Lucy & Ethel thing going on and everyone knows who Lucy is in this scenario.  

 Soooooo they had to take off the door!

But they were successful!  YAY!  

I LOVE having a chair in my room.   

But.... well... the color isn't quite right so I am going to try to 

switch it out with a recliner later today.

Wish me luck!!!

Meanwhile, my sister would be very disappointed if I didn't share her recent home improvement story. 

So she noticed a bubble in the ceiling of her apartment.

Remember--- part of the reason we sold our house and got our apartments is so 

someone else had to fix stuff (note: moving your furniture doesn't count)

So she poked at the bubble with her curling iron (clearly not the right tool for the job.  Everyone knows that is what a toothbrush is for.  Duh)  and poked a hole through the ceiling.  Now she took a picture but did not include something to gauge perspective but it is about 5 inches in diameter. (that may be a slight exaggeration)

Welcome 2015!!

Dear 2014:
You really sucked.  Please get the heck out of my life.
In 2014 I lost both my parents in spite of all the agony my sister and I went through trying to keep them safe and healthy.  Hiring caregivers and hospital stays.  Nursing homes.  Adult diapers.   Multiple 911 calls to their house.  
We sat with them both as they took their last breaths.  Made funeral arrangements twice.
This year I worked WAY too hard.  
Had EVERY vacation I tried to take get ruined or cancelled
Moved out of our house and got a sister separation (but we are still best friends)
Gave away my CATS
My dog died

It was a crappy year.


This year I would like to have MORE FUN!
Take more than 1 day off of work for vacation (not counting weekends)
Get a puppy???
Start that Unicorn Farm I have been thinking about
Get my TEETH fixed (that is a biggie)
BLOG at least a few times a week
Start smiling again without forcing it
Get my apartment organized in a way that doesn't leave me constantly anxious
Get my diabetes under control (another biggie)

This year I just want to be able to BREATHE!!!

Welcome 2015!   Please be gentle I am feeling kinda frazzled these days.

Not Exactly Al Capone's Secret Vault

Now that the holidays are over (well they will be tomorrow at 9:01 Pacific Standard Time when I celebrate New Year's Eastern Time because I am an old fart) it is time for me to start settling my parents' estate.

This should be interesting.  Would you care to ride along?  I knew you would!!

This afternoon Monica and I went to the bank to open up the safety deposit box.   Awhile back my dad changed the access so that I would be able to do this right away if he were to pass away.

We did not know what to expect:  One Million Dollars in gold bars?  The crown jewels?  A ziplock full of toe nail clippings?  Personal letters to us expressing their love and pride for the beautiful and successful women we have become?  An ammendment to their (Almost) Last Will & Testament that left everything to the cat?  

No, none of those things.   Here are a few things we did find.

My original birth record.  Only mine.  I believe this is because it is an altered document.  For example:  Lauren's birth certificate states that I was in Irvine on 2-14-92 giving birth to her when I was actually at a banquet in Lancaster that night.  So this is what I think happened--- there was a secrete humanoid exchange program between Earth and a far superior species in a galaxy far far away.  Somewhere out there the Rittel's birth child is babbling and drooling in a feeble attempt to represent an average Earth resident.  And I am here. Tah Dah.  You are welcome.  Why is Monica's birth certificate not in there?  Because she was found on the side of the road with eggshell on her head.  That is all we know about her birth.  

An Envelope Full of  What I Thought Might Be Human Teeth:

But they were old coins instead.  Yay   SO much better than teeth.

Copies of their Last Will & Testament that is so complicated that I have no idea what it means but I think it might be put in there specifically to be sure no one but my sister and I could inherit aka Your Rotten Ex Husband Will Never Get Their Slimy Paws On Our Toe Nail Clippings Money.

So that was interesting but nothing dramatic.   In a few weeks we will be visiting their lawyer to see what needs to be done to settle their estate.  I can't wait.  Turns out I used to referee soccer matches with him and I am pretty sure he was not impressed with my skills.  Hopefully he won't remember me!!

I will keep you all posted!

In Remembrance Of My Father

As some of you may know, my father passed away on the 16th of December.  This was two days short of six months from when my mother passed away.  Today was the memorial and I wanted to share the eulogy I gave at his service: 

I am now the oldest of our family.  The matriarch.  The queen bee.  Dad didn’t want to have a memorial service.  But Monica and I knew we all needed to get together and remember our dad so we decided not to honor this last wish.  Hopefully he isn’t hearing this!  We also felt sad that he didn’t allow people to get up and speak at moms service so if you want to you can get up today and share memories of both of them.  Sorry about that dad.

When I thought about what I wanted to share three topics really came to mind.  That is right I am going to give a classic three point sermon.  Get your notepad ready.

First is Faith:  My parents had a quiet faith in God.  My dad was a deacon when we were young and he always did handyman work for the church so we were at church about 1000 hours a week.  Every week. I am pretty sure I was actually born in a church nursery.  Dave Shroeder’s father baptised mine.  We knew every nook and cranny of the church and we would play monster down in the basement or stand in the baptistery and pretend to swim or launch paper airplanes off the balcony.  I should take this opportunity to confess that  passed notes during services.  It is possible we may have skipped Youth Group on occasion to stand out on Lancaster Blvd and goof off.   I have it on good authority that my sister may or may not have chewed gum in church.  Phew I feel so much better now.  Every one has faith in something. You may have faith in yourself or faith in your spouse.  You may place your faith in science or society.  You have faith that gravity will always keep your feet on the ground and that the sun will come out tomorrow. But we all have faith. My parents put faith in God. And they knew the difference between faith in God and faith in the church so even when things happened that were political or just human their faith was still strong.  If you put your faith in man you will always be disappointed.  If you place your faith in God He will never fail you. 

Second is Fidelity:  (Notice the clever alliteration)  In case the word fidelity isn’t familiar I will give you a quick definition and then I know you will understand.   Fidelity is a Noun that behaves like a verb.  Strict observance of promises, duties.  Loyalty.  Faithfullness in a relationship.  Attachment.  Devotion.  Steadfastness.   These are words that describe the relationship between my parents.  They celebrated their 54^th wedding anniversary in the hospital and mom passed away a few days later.  Their health was bad for many years but dad took care of mom until the end and once she was gone he was lost without her.  Caring for her was what kept him going and when she was gone, his job was done.  He never recovered.  He often spoke of wanting to go be with her and what a glorious day that would be.  We were not surprised that he went to join her.  It is like he felt a cold coming on Monday morning and decided that was his chance to be with her for the holidays so he went for it. 

Point Three is Family.    Family was everything to our parents.  Especially the grandkids.  They had a magnet on the fridge that said grandchildren are the reward for not strangling your teenagers.  This was weird because Monica and I were perfect teenagers.  Well, I was anyhow. I mean there was that one incident with the speeding ticket.   My parents loved their grandkids.  They were only 42 and 49 when Brandon was born and so he got to spend a lot of time with them when they were still able to take him fishing or camping.  It wasn’t until Lauren came 7 years later that the deluge of grandkids came.  Six at the final count.  Then along came Parker two years ago and they were thrilled to have a great grand child.    Mom used to let him play with her oxygen tubing and color with him.  Parker had a routine when he would go visit Grandpa:  He would move the front door rug to the middle of the living room, pick up Grandpas Sudoku toy and walk around talking on it like a cell phone and then put on his great grandpa’s shoes and tromp around his house.  Once mom passed seeing Parker was about the only time dad really perked up.  We have so many memories of family times that we would be here forever if I got started.   So you can see me later for more stories.

Before I go I want to say that these past 5 years have been so difficult but I am proud of the way our family has stood strong together and held each other up.  And I especially want to thank my sister who took the brunt of the medical issues .  And our kids who many times had to take the back seat while we worked with whatever situation was going on.  We Rock!

So that was the eulogy.  My father had a honor guard present a flag to us and do that little ceremony including playing of taps.  The girls sang I'll Be Home For Christmas.  It was a beautiful service.   We know that more than anything my father wanted to be with my Mom and he held out as long as he could but his will, as well as his heart, were broken.  We know that this will be his best Christmas ever so it makes it easier to deal with the loss.

You Thought You Foiled My Plan But........

SOMEONE around here (you know who you are coughFAMILYcough) 

obviously STOLE my hot glue gun.

I know it is because you are jealous of my Glue Gun Skills.

I have tried to educate you all on how you can fix practically ANYTHING with a glue gun.  

I mean, right now I can't even think of something you CAN'T Fix with one.

....... Nope, drawing a blank........

Well guess what peoples......

BA BAM!!!!!

That is right--- I have a new glue gun and it is STYLIN!!

So now I can hang my pictures and my curtains.

I can put my Christmas cards up and I can put the ornaments on the tree!

I can fix it so my furniture doesn't move around.

I can keep Parkers diapers on his butt

I can pick the gorilla glue off Parkers rubber bottomed plates and use glue that stays forever.

I can reglue the teflon on my pans

I can fix my cat's collar so it doesn't fall off

When Parker doesn't finish his banana I can fix the banana peel so it looks perfect again.

I can wrap my Christmas gifts.

So many many uses.......

Stop Begging For Grandson Pics!!

Geeez you people CLAMMERING for recent pictures of my grandson!!  Here you go!

October 30th was Parker's 2nd birthday so Nah Nah and Mommy and Uncle Brandon & Aunt Jericho & Great Aunt CaCa and Auntie Becca all went to Disneyland for Mickey's Halloween Party.

Mickey's Halloween nights are the only time adults are allowed to dress in costumes at Disneyland (the rest of the time you see a lot of kids dressed up).  I dressed up as Esmerelda the Gypsy from Hunchback of Notre Dom.  Parker Was Jack Skellington from Nightmare Before Christmas.  Jericho was Olaf from Frozen.  Brandon was the crocodile from Peter Pan.  Monica was Lilo From Lilo & Stitch and Becca couldn't bring herself to go Disney so she was a Pink Lady from Grease.  Lauren was Snow White.  I would say 90% of the people were dressed in costume.   Sorry no pics of Lauren or Becca.  Weird, right?  For the Booooolvard and trick or treating Parker went as a pumpkin!    I love this picture!!

October 30th Parker turned the Big 0-2!!   Woo Hoo!!

Other assorted cute Pics:  Parker having a tea party with Olaf

Parker stacking Apple Juice Pong Cups

Parker and uncle Brandon doing Man Stuff.  

 I made Brandon put on his pants.  

Once again I have reneged on my pledge to get back to blogging more often.  It has just been so crazy around here.  I am sorry.  I know your lives suffer when I don't send these little rays of sunshine!!

I Will Drink To That!!

(A note about this post.  This is the THIRD time I have tried to write this and twice my blog has dumped my post.  I am determined to get this thing finished off and published!!)

A few days ago now.....
I get in the car to drive to work.  I plan on stopping at the nearby McDonald's for some coffee because I was running late and didn't have time to brew some at home.  Once I have the coffee and my morning diet coke I realize that I do not have an empty cup spot in the car because the last half of yesterday's diet coke is still there.  I figure I can dump it out at the next red light. 

No biggie.  But when I get to the next red light there is a giant "I Am Compensating For Something Small In My Life" pickup truck rumbling next to me.  I think maybe I should wait to dump it out just in case it splashes on said truck and angers the occupant.  So there I am:  half cup full of soda in one hand, steering the car with the other hand and shifting my car with my other hand.    I figure I will dump it at the next red light.  The red light that just didn't come.  Because, for once, I only hit green lights..... 

This makes me think about other liquid incidents in the car.  A week ago I had to get my car rugs shampooed because the giant latte I was getting for someone at work fell out of the cup holder and spilled on the passenger side floor.  I saw it doing a header but there just was nothing I could do safely (and obviously I am all about safety).  As I drove along I would glance over from time to time.  First I witnessed the tsunami- like waves of latte as they spread across the floor board.  Then, a shimmering dance as the coffee whirled and swirled before it soaked in.  When it had soaked in to the carpet I was reminded of a little furry kitten after a bath when all it's fur is spiky and you wonder, as you bandage your many scratches, if kitty's carpet fur will ever look right again.  As more and more latte settles down, down, down in to the carpet it takes on the look of lichen.....

Then there was the time a few years ago... some of my long time readers may remember this story....   Lauren, Becca, Monica and I decided to take a trip to Hollywood and act like tourists.  Because nothing says Life Long Southern Californian like never going to any of the tourist sights.  We were going to go on the Homes Of The Stars tours.  Unfortunately, poor Becca has inherited the dreaded Rittel Family Car Sickness gene.  There are many many stories of others afflicted with this horrible condition but, if you insist I can relate more another day.  On this occasion Becca felt gross.  And yucky.  And increasingly nauseous.  Once we got off the freeway she announced that she was going to hurl.  We frantically searched the car for a bucket, a basin, a ziplock bag... anything she could barf in.  Nothing... Then I realized that I could make an extreme sacrifice of my almost full 44 oz diet pepsi.  With extra ice.  When we reached a red light I hucked the pepsi out my window.  Which would have been very unfortunate for the man in the mid life crisis convertible BMW right next to me had my window been down at the time.  Of course it wasn't.  And so I got baptized with very cold pepsi.  With extra ice.   At least it wasn't barf.  

As I mentioned before I started writing this blog last week.  But it has taken me this long to actually get it to post.  Meanwhile, I thought I would send a pic of this weekends soda cup collection.  Okay there is some Starbucks in there too.

A Place for Everything........

I wouldn't say I suffer from OCD.  

It is just that there is a RIGHT way to do things and a WRONG way to do things

MY way is the right way.  

Period

Labeling is a good way to keep things straight.  

Sure my labeler(s) are my prized possessions

For example--- how else would I remember my grandson's name?

But seriously, I don't label everything

But things being grossly out of place does give me differing levels of anxiety.

Having a living room that is half toddlerland makes me antsy

My RV sized kitchen does give me the cold sweats.  No matter how hard I try to keep things in order it is just so small that it always looks cluttered.

(Clutter---- OMG THE HORROR!!)

For example--- and sadly this is not an exaggeration-- I can't really use my dishwasher because to open it you have to push yourself all the way back into the stove which is directly across.  Once I open the dishwasher door I can't really reach the dishes.  This is really true.  My family will attest to this. 

Living in a MUCH smaller apartment has been quite an adjustment.  I spend a lot of time organizing.  And re-organizing.  And re-re-organizing ad infinitum...

Some might say I am difficult to live with.  I prefer to think that I create order from chaos.  Unfortunately I did not transfer this to my room mate Lauren.  She prefers chaos.

Though I believe she should change she contends that she is Not Me and I have to adjust to her.

What????    Why wouldn't she want to emulate ME????

There must be some kind of happy medium.  A compromise where she realizes that organization is nirvana and living in a pig sty is very much like living in Dante's 3.5th level of Hell:  Clutter   

Meanwhile I continue to try to make myself comfortable in the space where I live.

And I try to influence the next generation toward the Right And True Way

I am pretty sure I am getting through.

Parker organizes his raisins

.

And the cups

There may yet be hope

Parker & Gpa

At least once a week I take Parker over to play with his Great Grandpa (my dad)

He has quite the routine.

First thing he does is move the front door rug out into the middle of the living room

(see it at the bottom of this picture?)

For some reason that front door mat just drives him crazy.

Next up is getting Great Grandpa's tennis shoes out and put them on
Of course they are a little bit big for him,
so this is easier said than done!

Sometimes he gets TWO pairs of shoes.

After he gets bored with the shoes he has several other routines.

He always gets Grandpa's hand held sudoko and Yahtzee games and plays 

with those.  Usually he pretends they are cell phones.

To Parker just about everything could be a cell phone.

Once he put a corn tortilla up to his ear.

He also likes to color pictures for Grandpa

And he likes to do puzzles with Grandpa

He crawls around behind his chair and under the dining room table

The other night they worked on his stacking rings and then Parker

 stacked the puzzle pieces on top---- for good measure. 

And he almost always gives Grandpa a slobbery kiss or two when we have to go home.

(He can be a little stingy with his kisses)

I think it was that last bit of play time that really got to me.  

My mom would have loved to have played with Parker like this.  

She got so much joy from seeing him and coloring together.

Parker would whip her oxygen tubing around and laugh.

And he always brought a big smile to her face.

I was feeling pretty sad by the time I left.  

Missing my mom and grieving for her.

Wishing she would have gotten more time with her Great Grand child.

Inside My House of Horrors.......

The story goes that my mother saw the name LeAnn on a Miss America pageant and decided that was going to be my name.  This was back in the day when no one had an unusual name.  And for certain there were still rules about spelling it strangely.  It just wasn't done.  But my mom was a renegade you know.  She walked on the wild side.  She gave me a name that would make me tough.  Like a boy named Sue, right....

I mean why would you do that to your kid?  I thought long and hard when I named mine. My main concern was that they could always go to an amusement park and buy a mug with their name on it.  Spelled correctly, of course.

Not me.  I never got one.  I always looked.  I was always disappointed.  I still look.  

Professionally it has been a problem too.  Computers always try to point out that it is not spelled correctly until I wrestle them into submission by over riding that auto correction.  People have a hard time pronouncing it.  I often get 'Lean'.  Like lean meat.  Or I am gonna go lean on that corner over there.  You got my money, bro?  I'm a gonna lean on you hard, man.  Lean.  What the heck?   Sometimes I also get Leon.   Many times people are confused about my gender.  One time at work someone insisted on speaking with the man she had spoken to earlier on the phone.  Leon.   I tried to explain she had spoken to me.  She wasn't having it.  I finally put her on hold and then came back on the line.  Leon.

Finally LeAnn Rimes came along and, frankly, her parents made my life a whole lot easier.  Finally some validation that I had an acceptable name.  Finally I could point out that I was allowed to have a name that was spelled just that same weird way. Because if a celebrity did it, it made it okay!   Yes, you CAN have a capital letter in the middle of your name. Yes you CAN pronounce it 'Lee' even though there is only one 'E'

Recently I had evidence that the fight is not over:

This magazine could not figure out what to do with her name.  

It hurts, bro....    It hurts.......

Hello Friends~
I know it has been a very very long time since I have posted and I hope you have not all given up on me.
Here is the Condensed Version of the last 4 months
Parents in hospital at same time
Mother passed away
Father needed care giving
Put house up for sale
Packed stuff
Sold stuff
Kept the house clean
Prodded the realtor
Gave away stuff
Packed
Dropped price
Packed
Gave away my cats
Packed
MOVED
Unpacked
Unpacked more
Adjusted
And here we are to today
It has been a crazy time.
I have been overwhelmed and a little depressed
But now I now that I need to get my act together and start looking for interesting things and getting back in touch with things I enjoy.
Hence, signing back on here!!!
So look forward to:
Seeing pics of my new apartment
Seeing pics of my adorable toddler grandson Parker!
Hearing about my job from hell   What, did I say that out loud?? 
My newest hair color (purple)
Hilarious stories about my adorable grandson Parker!
Why I hate the cat I kept.
And many other things I need to discover and share!


See you soon!!