Today In History

Today my sister and I met for lunch.

I was in the middle of a harrowing audit and only had

time for a quick salad, so we headed over to Wendy's.

We ran into a friend of our parents and chatted a bit-- he sat right across from us so we tried to act as dignified as possible.

(We don't want him to tell mom and dad that their middle

aged kids are out running amok-- even if it is true!)

We were winding things up when a man approached us and dropped a note in front of my sister, on the table.

I thought "Oh my, this guy is giving her his phone number!  That new haircut is really getting some attention!"

Please see Exhibit A:  The Note in Question

Entered Into Evidence:  Exhibit A

If you have a hard time reading this, please let me assist you

"You have tissue sticking out of pants in the back"

Peeps, I would love to tell you that I was calm and supportive of my sister as the true humiliation of the event sunk in.

I would love to tell you that I held in the laughter because

she was clearly horribly embarrassed.

I would love to tell you that I was sure no one else in the restaurant saw it and that her secret was safe with me.

But, I can't

I laughed so hard I gave myself a headache

I snorted repeatedly

I just about peed my pants

Okay, I DID pee my pants

(Lucky for me she had some toilet paper!)

(Buaaahhhahahahahahhah!!!)

She looked at me sadly and said

"You aren't going to blog about this are you?"

What could I say?

I never blog without permission

However

I told her that the world needed to know

That after everything I have told you about her your

opinion can't really sink any lower anyhow.

And I begged her--- I pleaded--- to give me permission

She is such a good sport

I love my sister so much--- who else could put up with me?

 Exhibit B  The Actual Toilet Paper From Her Pants.

Meh

Greetings & Salutations to All!
I am sorry not to have posted a lot lately.  Been having a bit of the Monster lately.  I suppose it is hormonal or it is the lack of schooling going on or it is my job which is sucky and overwhelming lately.  I don't know what it is but I don't like to dwell on it or write about it too often.  But it is a part of me, you know?  All is not sunshine and lolipops in GeeezLand.
This weekend my sister and I took a few days off-- which I will story tell tomorrow when I have a chance to download some pictures.   It was lovely but it also gave me some time to reflect on what is not working in my life and so I plan to make some changes.
I am going to make my spiritual life a priority.  I have let that slip.  I know better than that.
I am going to go back to the doctor and push for her to give me a real checkup.  I went a month ago and she was very cursory and said things looked fine.  THings are not fine.  And if she doesn't listen and give me some honest feedback I will change to a different doctor.   I am going to start working again at getting in better physical shape.  I do not enjoy this.  But I will try.  Again.  A friend has recomended some holistic things and I will go to our local health store and try to figure out what to get. That in itself could be an entertaining trip.  The last time I was there I was getting some vegan treats (can you say 'oxymoron'?) for a friends going away party.  I felt like I had traveled into a foreign country where I did not know the language and for which my legs were far too well shaved.  However, I will try.  My menu selections are going to center around veggies as the entree with small sides of meat and grains.  I will drink water.  I will get some sort of exercise. 
OKay there, I got it out.  I will look for something funny tomorrow.

Monica's New Haircut

It is the end of an era, people.

Back in 1980 my sister figured out that she liked the floofy bangs that kinda made a small tsunami on her forehead and she has been wearing the same hair style ever since.

Seeing my amazing new haircut inspired her to get hers cut the other day too.

And update the bangs

Malley would give it TWO THUMBS UP if only he had thumbs to give

Regardless everyone loves her new hair-do

Doesn't She Look Terrific!!   YAY!!!

So to celebrate our combined awesome-ness my sister and I leave tomorrow afternoon for an adventure in Ventura
An AdVenture
That is right, I said it.  AdVentur(a)
We are going to make the most of our 3 days and try to make them feel like 3 weeks.
We are staying in a Bed and Breakfast that is a converted Victorian church.
Our itinerary includes:
Flaming Goat Cheese at the Greek Restaurant in the Harbor Village
Wedge Salad at the Restaurant at the Crowne Plaza
(do you see a theme here?)
Going to see The Green Lantern
 (Because Monica is in love with Ryan Reynolds- she even has a poster of him in her room.  That is true I swear!)
Lots of sitting on the beach contemplating our lives
Hopefully sleeping in past 6:30am.

It will be lovely.
Of course you will receive a full report!!!

(PS  Just in case you think the house will be empty, it won't.  We have several adult house sitters plus all the critters to guard the place!)

Disorientationality

Have you ever had someone else work on your computer when you are away at lunch?
And you come back and things are changed but you can't do anything about it because it is your boss so it is really his computer and his work etc....  Like the window view is different and you can't figure out how to see the whole screen and the settings have been changed and there are like 20 different windows open?  But not the one that was open when you left, albeit minimized.
Has that ever happened to you?
Me Neither

But if I did I would imagine that it might be something like when your new driver in the family uses your car. And the next morning when you leave to go to work at dawn when you are half asleep and already managed to drip coffee on your blouse and you try to get in but the seat is pushed all the way up and you find yourself having flashbacks to getting your arm stuck in your bed.
And you turn on the radio expecting to hear the news but instead you hear Ryan Seacrest doing a "Ryan's Roses" and then you get to hear some artist sing about airplanes and shooting stars and you think--- was Ryan Seacrest in my car when I parked it last night?  And then you think "Dang, he has really short legs!"
And you get ready to back out of the driveway but the mirror is tilted down and over to the side and you don't remember leaving it reflecting your cleavage when you parked it last night.
And the side mirrors are obviously confused also.
You just know someone else was there in your space.

Yeah, me neither.

In light of these developments, is it really so horribly wrong for me to have a little fun with her when I am supervising her as she fills up the car with gas?
When I go over and over the concept of putting in your debit card and letting it fill up instead of putting in $5.00 at a time?  Because it really will stop when it is full.

It really will.  I am not messing with your head.

YET!

Unless you get freaked out and pull it out because THE THING SAYS YOU ARE PUTTING IN OVER $40.00!!!!!!!!!
Is it really sooooo bad to theatrically over-react  tell her that IF YOU SPILL EVEN A LITTLE GAS IT CAN CATCH FIRE AND MAKE YOUR WHOLE CAR EXPLODE
And that you have to get some water and scrub it down really really fast?
Is it so wrong?

If This Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right

This Is For Your Own Good!

(Actual Notice In My New DVD Player)

(Okay I Added The Sticker)

Hair

I realize that some of you have been on pins and needles waiting to see pictures of my new haircut.
It must look good because a Construction Worker whistled at me this afternoon!  Sure he was one of my employees and sure I make out his paychecks-- but still was pretty cool!
I know you men probably will not understand the process and the energy that goes into a kind of this event.  But it is VERY IMPORTANT!
First you get the thought in your head:  I hate my hair.  It is boring, hot, frizzy, too long, too short, too brown, not brown enough, too curly, not curly enough, too straight, to thin, to thick, (Fill in the blank)
I want a tattoo
Maybe I will just cut all my hair off
I haven't had short hair since 1992
I wonder if how long you can leave salad dressing in the fridge before it goes rancid.  Does mustard go bad?  Does it grow mold? 
I am going to cut my hair AND get highlights!
There:  Decision made

Next step:  Deciding on the style.
Something cool but not too young.
Not too old either
Something that isn't going to take a lot of work
You look at hair style websites
(This activity probably contributes to getting in trouble for viewing websites at work and infecting your computer so that your accounting software for the whole company is destroyed and makes you worry you will get fired)
You take pictures OF pictures in magazines.
You make an appt but your regular stylist is booked for weeks and you must do this RIGHT NOW.  So you ask her if she can recommend someone so you won't feel like you are cheating on her and have to sneak around (Yes, really)
You wonder if you should get something corporate in case you get fired for looking at hair styles at work.

The day comes
You describe to your stylist what you want and wonder what she is thinking. 
"OKay, so I want it short--- BUT NOT TOO SHORT!  What is TOO SHORT?  I don't want to see my scalp.  But I don't want it to be all Carol Brady flippy do in the back.  OH HELL NO.  And I want highlights but not HUGE chunks.  Like you know they aren't real but it isn't like OMG DOES SHE KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS THAT LOOKS?  And I want bangs.  No, not BANGS bangs---  like sweepy over to the side bang-ettes.  Like casually sophisticated bangs. 
 Sweepy-ish. 
 Bangs.
My ears are okay so it is okay if you can see my ears.  BUT NOW I NEED EARRINGS!!  (Note:  To everyone who forgot to send my Atta Girl reward for getting TWO 'A's this semester  please keep in mind that I like silver, not gold.   This means you Kathy.  How many 'A's did you get, huh?  What??  I can't hear you?  Under-achiever says what?
So she commences with the coloring portion of the styling event.
I spent a good half hour trying to:
A)  Communicate with the home planet
B)  See if I could hear the afternoon drive report on the radio through the foil on my head
C)  Trying to move the potted plant in the corner with my mind figuring that possibly the aluminum foil just might enhance my telekinetic abilities

D) Stay awake or at least not snore too loud

E) Fight back the terror of re-living bad hair cut experiences in my past.  Including the extremely unfortunate "Dorothy Hamill fiasco of 1974" and the constant "Just let me THIN it a little"

F)  Fighting back urge to call use my best Napolian Dynamite dialect and say "Tina, you fat lard.  Come eat your MEAT!  GOOOOOSH"



Then Tina came back and woke me up (eventually) and took out the foil and washed my hair.  She asked me one last time if I was sure.  I promised her I would not weep uncontrollably and so she began to chop off my hair.



Pile O Hair



Is it possible to take a picture of yourself without looking so stupid?  I THINK NOT!

And when she was all finished this is what I have.

She did a great job.  I am very happy.

  

 

I can't tell if this is a good picture.
I really HATE looking at myself





MY GOSH-- The Back of My Head is AWESOME!!!



PS To Monica's Birthday Blog

I can't believe I left off part of the story!
First:   When my sister put her watch on she said "I forgot to set it" and my daugher in law looked at me and there was a tacit understanding:  Monica just serves it up on a silver platter

Second:
Once upon a time my sister was having a very hard time finding a place she was supposed to take one of her kids in Fontana.
This was the day that she decided that she really needed a GPS.
So she calls me from a Pro Bass shop to ask me if I think the GPS units they have there will be a good price and should she get one.
Pro Bass shop
Fish Finders do not equal GPS systems just so you all know, okay?

That is all

Bummed Man

Tonight I am seriously bummed.
This has been a sucky week at work and we are only half through it.
But I don't talk about work on my blog so you will have to use your imagination.
Trust me, it is yucky.

And I am one seriously confused college student
Mistake #1:  I forgot to note when registration was for Cerro Cosa college.  This has resulted in my inability to pick up Anthropology online for the Fall semester.  I am on the waitlist.   AVC does not offer Anthro online so that means maybe I get catch it on campus.
Which would mean hours on hours on hours of listening to someone who will belittle my faith (I believe because he is insecure because deeeep down he knows that science just does not explain everything) and try to make me feel stupid for believing in Intelligent Design.  I can deal with this online (Philosophy proved that) but face to face?  I don't know.  It doesn't sound fun to work all day (See "Yucky Work" reference above) and then sit through a class.
Today I realized that I need yet another class.   And I know the minute I screwed this up too!  Back in winter of 2009 I was registered for 2 day classes when it became apparent I was not going to be able to get away from work to go to them.  One of these was Managerial Accounting.  I did not erase the entry on my College Courses To Take Before I Become An University Student spreadsheet and just today realized I never took that course.
BUMMED!!
So I have to re-think the whole semester.

Meanwhile--- I am not truly sure I am on the right track anymore and I am struggling to sort it all out. 
Once I move on to University I will have to take out student loans or get grants or something.  Who knows how many years it would take to finish my BS.  Then I am HOW OLD with HOW MUCH DEBT??  Does that make sense????  WHAT SHOULD I DO?????

My brain is just tired.  Are you tired?
(Can I get an Amen)
And I am discombobulated!
(Glory!)
And I don't know whhheeerrrrre I fit in
(Uh huh-- tell it sista)
And work sucks-- but I am still grateful for it!
(HALLELUJAH!!)
And I am having one of them times when you look at the whole biiiiig picture and you feel old OLD OLD and you wonder
(YOU WONDER GIRL!)
Did I just blow it?  Is it too late?

Do leave me a message.  A word of wisdom.
Something.......
Are you out there friends?

Wedding Chapel Marquee

Kinda speaks for itself, right?

A Chance Meeting With An Old Friend

My apologies to you all.  I realize that I neglected to share with you a very pleasant surprise!   You might remember that I visited the Huntington Library recently.  While there I wandered through the forested area where the Camellias grow.  It was shadowy and cool and I took my time looking around for interesting flowers and light and all that composition stuff that can make a stick look like art.  Deeper in the brush I heard a scrabbling sound.  Leaves crunching.  Mumbling under breath.  I looked around not sure what I expected to see.  Lo and Behold-- I recognized the Mumbler by the accent;  not quite British.  More along the lines of aristocratic.  More affectation than accent.  Fussy.  Prissy, even. 

I stepped off the path and under the tree  "Pip?  Can that possibly be you, my old friend?"  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Friends and Minions, if you have never become acquainted with Pip please do CLICK HERE and jump into a past post to learn how we became friends. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucky for me Pip was in a chatty mood and so I settled myself onto a handy log to catch up on all the squirrley gossip.  "Pip, how did you end up here at the Huntington?" because we had met at Descanso Gardens.  Pip curled his very floofy squirrel tail around his paws and told the tale.  "The day came" he began "when Raccoon left the gardens to go live in the country with his children.  He really did, I am not presenting a metaphor on the afterlife.  As you know, Raccoon and I had been the very best of pals for many years.  Once he was gone I grew bored.  Of course I still had many friends, but the bi-weekly poker game was never the same.  Raccoon had several 'tells' don't you know. If he had a winning hand he could never help but pull on his whiskers.    I decided that I should do some traveling while the weather was agreeable and so I began to observe visitors to the gardens to find a likely traveling companion.  My criteria was narrow.  I needed to find a woman who carried a large bag.  Someone not easily given over to panic if she were to find a stow-away of a squirrel nature in her bag.  I distanced myself from young women with young offspring-- though the thought of rogue honey nut cherrios in the bottom of the backpack was enticing.  No, that sort of scenario could include far too much rooting around for binkies and chew toys. 

They Call Me MR. Pip!!

Around the Antelope Valley: Make Out Spots Part Two

Famous Make Out Spots in the Antelope Valley

Back in the 1970s there were a lot less people living out here so there was a lot more desert.   Out west of town is an area called Quartz Hill.  QH was where all the farmers and goat-ropers lived.  Today this little mountain topped by water tanks is smack in the middle of some high end houses and there is this lovely block wall and everything is picturesque.  Back in the day it was much more rugged, out in the middle of nowhere.  Dark and isolated-- perfect to 'park' and kiss.  I personally never went there because the really Good Girls didn't go there.  And I was really boring  good.   But many of my friends did.  I know of a boy a year older than I who drove his girlfriend up there and manage to roll his car down the hill.  Classic. 

So I was good, but I was a dork.  Hard to imagine I know.  And the group of friends I hung around with mostly consisted of people in choir.  Picture the TV show Glee but about a hundred times less cool.  We did sing and dance but it took us more than 10 minutes to learn a routine and one outfit sufficed for all our numbers.  True there was a lot of inter-group dating going on.  In fact that is how I met the boy who would later become my ex-husband.  We all hung out together.  Someone had procured a road sign that had an amber flashing light on top.  The night of my Senior Prom I ended up driving around with a guy friend and one of the things we did to wreck havoc and punish those people who actually went to the prom was to take our traffic sign light and pretend to be the police up on Quartz Hill Mountain.  If you are one of the people we scared that night I apologize.  But then again, you shouldn't have been up there anyhow! 

Another very well known spot to take a date was the California Aqueduct.  This is an area where Submarine Races were held.  These were only held at night under the light of the silvery moon.

Submarine Race Site

Around The Valley: Make Out Spots Part One

Back in the Dark Ages when I was a teenager making out was a harmless enough sport.  If you were a "Good Girl" like I was this involved a lot of kissing and pretty much nothing else.  So if 'Making Out' means something else to you, well FOR SHAME!!!!  Get your mind out of the gutter and for the purposes of these posts please use my definition.

There were many well known Make Out Spots in the Antelope Valley.  I am sure there were many more I never found out about.
The Drive In was an acceptable Make Out Spot.  That is why all the greenery died and it blew away like the dust.
My first kiss was in the driveway of my parent's house.  I was 16.  His name was Scott.  Scott introduced me to kissing.  I think he did a good job.  At least that is what my cat, Figaro, says these days.
Scott blew up his car engine and so when we were 'going together' I always had to drive.  We were good church going kids.  He lived next door to our church's Junior high youth pastor, Steve Baker.  You may know Steve-- he now runs Grace Resources.  Next door to Steve was where Gary, the Senior High Youth pastor lived.  I do not know how in the world this line up of pastors / neighbors occurred but wasn't it just my luck.  I drove a bright turquoise Datsun B210.  That is right, I was stylin even back in those days.  We are talking 1978 here.  All this to introduce you to our first make out spot:  In front of Scott's house.  I am quite sure there was some sort of surveillance system at work because we usually barely got the windows steamed up before either Steve or Gary would knock on the car windows with a chirpy "Hey kids, whatcha doin in there?"  I think the repeated trauma eventually took it's toll and Scott became the first to break my heart set me free to find True Love.  On to Jim, the man whom I would eventually marry.  Jim lived out on his own from his senior year of High School on and so we had plenty of privacy.  But we were still good.  He did not score a Home Run until our wedding night.  Nearly 15 years later Jim dumped me for someone more appropriate  set me free to find True Love.  Enter Lord Voltemort or "The Man Who Will Not Be Named" to protect his reputation just in case he is reading this blog.  He introduced me to Making Out on his trampoline.  Nuff Said.  Soon he followed suit and  dumped me for one of my best friends breaking my heart and leading to waving the white flag on romance  set me free once again to find True Love.
As you can tell I have a great deal of experience in the art of Make Out Spots in the Antelope Valley.  For my next post I will show you pictures of other great spots.