The New Harry Potter Movie

12:05am Friday morning November 18th-- do you know where your child was?  Mine was seeing the new Harry Potter movie with a big group of  dorks friends.  Yes they were part of the dorks fans who camped out all day long so they could be sure of a good seat.  Yes, she was one of the dorks fans who were dressed up.  Hey-- that is what Hank the Magical Praying Mantis sewed her crushed velvet cape for!   Here is her review of the movie:

"The movie was amazing.  I liked all the Fred and George parts because they were funny even though it was a sad movie. 

I cried because I realized that during the whole movie that my childhood is ending.  I grew up with Harry Potter.  When the last movie is played I will probably wither away into nothingness."



But Then.....

A challenge was issued to me to follow up on my 'What If' Blog, and so here you go....


Everything that a computer does is based on one basic concept:
On or Off
Yes or No
0 or 1
It is very black or white, really:
If 'A' then 'B'
If 'Such and Such' is true, then you hop over 'Here'
If 'Such and Such is not true, then you hop over 'There'
Then from 'Here' or 'There' you go on to repeat the same process
And you hop
And you hop again
And again
And again
Until the conclusion is reached.  The solution.  The Only Solution
There are no 'What Ifs' with computers

I wish my brain worked that way:  just one answer.  The only true answer. No 'What Ifs'.  No 'If Onlys' 
It would be easy if my brain worked like a computer
The world works that way: whatever happened, happened. 
It is only in my head that I start to extrapolate other resolutions.  Other paths that I might have taken and where they might lead. 
If my brain were a computer there would be no disquieting sense that I screwed up somewhere along the line and if I could just trace my steps I might fix everything.  Get back to where I am supposed to be.  The life I was supposed to have.
There would be no confusion over lost opportunities.  No sense of loss for something that never happened.  No longing for what might have been.  No feeling that I have been robbed of something that was rightfully mine. 
The world would be easy if my brain worked like a computer.
But it does not.
It runs amok in the dark and quiet places.  It plays out all the endless possibilities. 
Yes, this happened so that happened.  But this is what was supposed to happen to that is what should have happened.  And if I had done this instead of that see how perfect my life would be.  See how I would have gotten what I truly deserved?

But Then.....
Who would I be if I could go back to all those crossroads and make the different choice.
I would not be me, that is for certain.  Because, as they say, I am the sum total of all my experiences regardless of the 'rightness'.  Everything that has happened has taken me here.  Here must be where I am supposed to be, right?
Here is not such a bad place.  Me is a pretty great person for the most part.
If it were not for the painful struggles I would probably not rely on my faith in God for my strength and so would miss out on one of the great joys of my life.  I would probably be less compassionate as my issues have helped me learn empathy and mercy for other people.  I would probably be less strong as what has not killed me really has made me stronger.
I guess I really am where I am supposed to be.  There isn't any guarantee that life would be better or that I would be happier.

The less my brain travels in alternate universes the better.
I believe I will try to think a little bit more like a computer

0100110001100101010000010110111001101110001000000
10001100110010101101110011011100110010101110010

(my name in binary code)

Thanksgiving Recap

Hi Geeezers!
How was your Thanksgiving?  I hope a day filled of fun with family and friends and food but most of all giving thanks and feeling appreciation for all the blessings in your life and hope that the not so great stuff doesn't follow you into 2011.

First let me say a big Thank You to everyone who encouraged me to brine my turkey this year.  It was yummy.  As you all know from blogging my culinary adventures I have taken on a challenge to cook more creatively lately.  This has produced some wonderful food and some epic failures.  So this was the year to try the brine.

Turken Being Brined

We called it the Thanksgiving Turken this year because it was the smallest turkey we have ever seen.  It looked like a large chicken thus Turkey + Chicken = Turken.  Either my sister or myself got it last holiday (yeah I know a whole year ago) from one of our employers as bonus poultry and it how somehow made a bigger impression in our brains than existed in real life.  So, when I picked it up from my parent's house where it had vacationed the last year, it was much smaller than we remembered.  This set off an intense fear of running out of holiday meat for the table.  On a side note:  My sister and I share this phobia about setting a skimpy table of food so there is always too much.  Always.



Anyhow.... We went out and got some pork loin so we could be assured of having too much food and once home I brined the turkey.  It was small enough to fit in my soup pot!  We had a good laugh over that. I amputated the wings and roasted them along with the organ meat and simple mirepoix  (google it ignoramus') which would have produced a wonderful stock with which to create a wonderful gravy had I not fallen asleep and let it burn to a crisp.  Another epic failure.



My youngest niece, Rebecca, created her Famous Turkey Chocolate Cake which was uuummmmm full of chocolate.  Forget those fruit and vegetables masquerading as pies and cheesecakes:  give me chocolate every time!



Becca and Her Famous Turkey Cake



I will not bore you further with tales of the family gathering except to say that I did not get a good picture of my sweet potato dish with which to report to Grandma J as evidence of serving the classic Sweet Potato dish with so many marshmellows on top that they were barely hanging on there and were beautifully toasted to perfection and was therefore so sweet it just about could put you into a diabetic coma-- as they should be.  I know this because one of my recent epic failures was a savory sweet potato fiasco.  Do not try that at home.  Trust me. 

So to summarize:

Brine- Good

Turkey- Small

Sweet Potatoes- Sweet

Chocolate= heaven

Good & Blessed Holiday Over All!

Hope you all enjoyed the same!

Moments

Welcome to a new feature on my blog:  Magpie Tales

Magpie Tales is a blog site  "...dedicated to the enjoyment of poets and writers, for the purpose of honing their craft, sharing it with like-minded bloggers, and keeping their muses alive and well."

You may not know that I have occasional aspirations to be a Serious Writer and my friend JC introduced me to this blog site which seems like a lot of fun.  Every so often they post a picture to inspire original writings of various forms.  I thought I would give it a try.  If you would like to go to the site and take a look at other people's offerings, CLICK HERE

As always I am a total attention hog so I, as always, look forward to comments or response to all items on my blog so do feel free to comment.  Please.  Seriously--- most of you guys are awfully quiet out there.  At least give me some Beatnik type Snaps, okay?
And now......

Moments

Just a moment

Another ticking of the hands of a ancient clock

Ahead of the Moment Before lay an infinite field of of Possibility

Ahead of the Moment After lay just as many Regrets

What an awful lot of pressure on the One Moment in between

To say the right words

Make the right choice

Offer mercy friendship grace forgiveness joy love

Or anger confusion sadness disapointment

So much riding on that One Moment

And all the rest of your lifetime for the One After

What if

Don't I wish that I could just leave the Moment alone without wondering

What if?

Sweet Potatoe Blaspheme

It pains me to confess this to you, dear ones, but I have committed another culinary sin.
I didn't want to bow to peer pressure.  I have taken up the rampart of Culinary Adventure and I will press on!  No one ever said this road would be an easy one to travel.  I embrace the danger. 
I volunteered to provide sweet potatoes to a recent gathering.  I did it to myself!!!  And I decided to step waaaay out there on a limb and create Un-Sweet Sweet Potatoes. 
I feel you cringing
That is right... NO butter.  NO brown or any other color of sugar.  NO cinnamon.  NO..... NO..... (forgive me Lauren and Grandma Johnson) NO MARSHMALLOWS!
I KNOW.  It was a bold move.
Instead I roasted them in a little olive oil and onion soup mix.
And then I took it to the Thanksgiving gathering at the Custodio's home.  That is right.  I took an untested recipe to a gathering of CHURCH LADIES!!!
I was apprehensive, I admit it.  I kinda snuck the bowl in there amidst the other traditional sweet potato dishes (including Chandra's which was very yummy and best of all only 800 calories and 15 grams of fat per 1 teaspoon serving).  My offering stuck out like a sore thumb.  After the guests had served themselves I casually perused the room to see how many had piled their plates high with my creation.  The response was underwhelming.  There was an appalling lack of interest.  Someone had even 'accidently' dropped a piece on the floor which the cat batted around until it was dead and then took it down the hallway to her litter box where she spent a great deal of time trying to bury it in the sand. 
It seemed hypocritical of me not to try a morsel myself and quickly realized that this was an experiment gone wrong.  Horribly wrong.  In a tragic twist of irony it seems that Un-Sweet Sweet Potatoes are more than just an amusing oxymoron but also perfectly descriptive. 
Wrong.  Wrong. Wrong. 
Another epic failure.  Another painful lesson learned. 
I skulked off leaving my serving dish behind.  I can only hope that Lori, who has probably just now figured out where the offending dish came from, will keep my secret.  (If you can just sneak the bowl back to me in a plain brown paper bag that would be great)
It is possible that my shame is public record-- I did notice that the singles were specially asked NOT to bring food to the Christmas party in a few weeks.  How can I blame them?

Father Guy Fieri I ask for forgiveness and in my defense I can only beg for mercy for it is true that..........

I Yam What I Yam 

I Won't Blog About This

Tonight something interesting happened in my house.  Sadly, you don't get to hear about it because the party involved invoked the sacred words "LeAnn isn't allowed to  blog about this, right?" and I always usually respect this.  Many times is only with great personal discipline and actual physical pain that I skip over some awesome blog material.  I am sure at this point you are thinking "OMG, if these are the things she is allowed to blog about--- WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING OUT THERE?"
Lots, let me tell you... but I can't tell you... so you will have to use your imagination.
My sister loves to be the center of my blog attention.  She will often point out to me what she believes to be good material.  The furry family of the house has no choice.  Anything cute or strange they do is fodder for a furry blog at any time. 

But there are many areas of my life that are off limits.

Which brings me back to what I can't tell you about tonight

Sorry.

Here are a few things I can tell you about:   Becca scored her first goal this season at last Saturday's soccer game.  She was so stealthy that we almost missed it.  YAY BECCA!!

Also, here is a picture of my sister proudly having her picture with our trash cans.

Every week she engages in an unspoken battle with our neighbors to be the first one to get their garbage cans out.  The neighbors have always won.  I have seen them put those cans out a day and a half ahead of our Wednesday morning dump time.  These are the same neighbors who often wash their car INSIDE their garage!!  I know, right?  What kind of crazy does something like that?

Anyhow I noticed when I went to work early this morning before daybreak that their cans were not out yet.  I thought about putting ours out, but then I realized:  This is my sister's war to wage.  I have nothing against putting the cans out after the neighbors and if I were to beat them to it, it would be an empty and hollow victory because Monica must fight her own battles.

So, I went on to work.  Later in the morning she was still able to get our cans out before the neighbors thus winning a battle-- but sadly the war will wage on again next week... and the next.... and the next.....

And her gracious acknowledgment of victory?   "LeAnn, you ARE going to blog about this, right?

Of course I am.

Field Trip Addendum

I cannot believe I left this off the Trader Joes Blog.  Because this one really did make me lol.
Dried Pomegrante Seeds:  A good source of fiber!
Nice observation Captian Obvious!!
Pomegranate seeds in thier natural form are mostly a big pit you cant chew up and if you swallow it I am quite sure will work its way through your colon unscathed.
But when you dry out the little bit of fruit around it so that the whole thing is hard-- what is with that?
No doubt an amazing source of fiber.

On another note-- I have had to put the word verification dealio on my settings because I was getting a bunch of spam on my blog comments. 
At first it was okay but then I realized that I love myself the way I am and I just do not need any further enhancement!

Field Trip

 This evening I got off work.
No one needed me.  No one was waiting for me.
I was wearing my purple boots-- which make me feel adventurous, as you know, and so I decided to make a trip to the grocery store.
But since I was adorned so gloriously, I decided to go to Trader Joes! 
One of the things I like about Trader Joes is that I can take pictures of the food and no one really seems to find that odd.  If they do I just say "Well, I write a famous blog you know!  And so I must document my fabulous and facinating life!"  Then I hand them my business card with my blog address on it and go about my merry way.

See, I cannot do this in Vallarta though the blog material there is astounding.  Why, the meat counter alone could keep me going for weeks!  But I just can't take pictures there.  I am afraid of ending up in the truck of someone's chevy rolling on down to Tijuana.

First we have some yummy chocolate cookies that I like.  I love that they had to actually put "Cookies For People" on the package.  But I understand why this is necessary because recently I told my bonus daughter Stacey, that they were cat treats and she had to spit out a mouthful into the sink.

 Next up--- I was ASTONISHED to discover that there is actual FRYING CHEESE!!!  And here I have been trying and trying and trying to re-create the famous Greek Fried Goat Cheese Appetizer.  Did I buy it?  NO!!  I did NOT!  Why?  Because I will not cheat the cheese.  I will keep on working on my own Flaming Goat Cheese Appetizer.

Far be it for me to point out the obvious but, really people.  When you freeze the shrimp they get really really cold so is it really necessary to point out that they are blue?  Really?

Finally, in the toy section I found some Jedi Light Sabers.   I had never seen any like these before!  They were right there hidden in plain sight cleverly disguised as brussel sprout stalks!

BRUSSEL SPROUT STALKS?  How stupid do these people think we are?????

Ode To Snoopy

The other day our friend Kathy lost her furry friend Snoopy. Snoopy was, of course, a beagle.  
Kathy and Snoopy and Samson and I spent many an hour walking in the park and talking about life.  Mostly talking about David to be honest. If you know Kathy and David you will understand why.  If you don't ..... it is a very long story... but it has a happy ending.  This was several years ago you know!
Samson loved Snoopy.  Sometimes he loved him a little too much, but Snoopy was always a good sport about it. 
Kathy and David have the biggest hearts for animals of anyone I know.  They have been trying to get their rescue compound up and running for a long time but government bureaucrats have made the going very hard and expensive.
Kathy has given me advise on many occasions with my furries and Samson broke David's 17 year stretch of dealing with difficult dogs without being bitten.
And yet, they still love us.
Amazing, isn't it?
So please say a prayer or send a good thought to them on the passing of their friend Snoopy.  When we lose a furry they always take a bit of our hearts with them.

Halloween Three: The Final Horror

OREOCHROMIS NILOTICUS

My Nemesis

That which had sought to defeat me utterly and did indeed fault me in battle once before has now been vanquished! I have my vengeance and my ultimate VICTORY!

HUZZAH!!

You remember how it started-- just a bag of Talapia fillets. I don't like fish. I don't like to cook fish. But they laid there in their hermetically sealed bags in the freezer. Taunting me. Mocking me. And so I engaged them in the Choppino Battle. If you have not heard of this PLEASE CLICK HERE

A normal person would have just moved along in her life..... but it kept mocking me from inside the freezer.

We tried to give it away but no one wanted it.

Finally, I decided I had to try one more time. One Last Time

And so in the 'spirit' of Halloween I attempted once again to tame the terror inside me.

And cooked my first 'Soul' food dinner (Get it? Halloween- Spirit- Soul)

Voila!

My first attempt at batter fried fish, cheesy grits, collard greens and cornbread.

My sister pronounced it a resounding success.

The War Is Over!!!!

Halloween: Part Two

I know I told you that I was going to tell you all about the most terrifying aspect of my Halloween in Part Two, but I was wrong.

There is another tale to tell right now.

Something I just have to get off my chest.

For many, many years I have told people that I know how to sew. This is a lie. Please forgive me. I have been perpetrating a big giant lie for years and years just to impress all of you.

It is time to come clean and tell the truth.

You know in Cinderella how she makes this beautiful dress and then it gets destroyed but because she is good and kind the little mice and birds come together to create something beautiful? Something like that happens for me.

Meet Hank: The Magical Praying Mantis.

By day Hank sits perched on our dinning room shelf. Still. Lifeless. Silent.

But sometimes....... he comes to life!

For years and years I have pretended to sew things. Costumes, clothing... even Jericho's wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses.

It wasn't my work-- It was Hank.

So when Lauren asked for a cape I consulted Hank about what supplies to get and then turned it all over to him and took a nap.

Poor Hank. He was having an off day and got almost done only to discover that he had put the wrong pieces together and had to tear it out and start all over again. Hank almost said some bad words when that happened!
So he set it all aside for a few days and picked it back up again on Halloween morning.

The pressure was on.

He made a big pot of coffee and got to work.

He patiently worked his way through the project until he had a wonderful finished product.

A cut velvet cape with a cowled hood. It is trimmed out in Slytherin green so Lauren can wear it to the Midnight Showing of the new Harry Potter movie in a few weeks.

And then he died

Even the cats wouldn't eat him.

So.... that means no more sewing projects for me.

Unless Tim Gunn calls.......

Halloween: Part One

Halloween, my dear Geeezers, is not my favorite 'holiday'.
I didn't like it as a kid. I don't like it as an adult .

I don't like scary movies (isn't real life bad enough?)
I don't even go on the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland!

Why? Because I actually believe in God AND Satan and if you ask me there isn't anything crossing over that is benevolent like Casper the Friendly Ghost..... But you didn't ask me so we will move along....

I try not to be too Scroogy for the sake of others who enjoy the season.

So I took pictures while my sister, her daughter and numerous cats carved the pumpkin the other day. My sister had gotten one of those kits where your child can pick out an intricate pattern to use when carving, gets it started, and then lets you finish it for the next 2 hours. (They also make those kits for Christmas that look like Gingerbread Houses and Easter Eggs). She kept saying "Next year it is eyes and a mouth!! EYES AND A MOUTH!!!"

The cats also enjoyed jumping in and out of the caldron that was to contain the candy for the hoards of little monsters that would come by later in the evening. Brandon and Jericho donated their carved pumpkins to us because they decided to hide in their bedroom for the night. Here is a picture of O'Malley our Halloween Pumpkin Kitty and our Jack O'Lanterns.





Of course I volunteered to help create costumes. It is a mental illness I guess. For Becca I turned her ordinary jeans into hippie bell bottoms and for Lauren I made a really cool cut velvet cape with green trim.

Lauren took Becca around the neighborhood and gathered candy. I saw none of it. WHAT IS WITH THAT? Candy is the only thing about Halloween that I like.

Except for these imposters.

They only come out this time of year and try to pass themselves off as candy. I don't know WHAT they are but it sure isn't candy. No one likes them. They always get thrown away or re-candied. Yuck.

On that note I end this portion of my Halloween Report.

In Part Two of my Halloween report I will tell you about the scariest thing I did on Halloween. Oh yeah, it was terrifying.