Wade In

If you dare, wade into my Stream of Consciousness for 8-31-10.

I was supposed to be doing homework and preparing for a test but the website is 'experiencing difficulties'. Terrific. It is due tomorrow. I don't have many questions left but.... grrrr
So I readied my notes and studied. Not a total waste of time.

Today I have embarked on a new phase of my life. As of today I have an empty nest for the first time in 25+ years. The last time I wasn't the prime parent was in early 1984 and I was 22 years old. Lauren has moved to her father's house. I feel kinda lost. I have watched over this kid since the moment her birthmother put her in my arms. I will never forget being told what to do when she stopped breathing or when her heart stopped beating. Not IF-- but WHEN. The weight of this responsibility has never left me. Not that she has never been away but tonight her room is empty. Figuratively--- not literally. There is a lot of crap in there actually... but she won't be living there anymore. She will visit. Her room is empty.
I got pretty lucky in the Ex-husband lottery. We were best friends from the time we were 15 years old, married at 19. Divorced at 34. The friendship took a break for awhile there but I am blessed to know that we are back to a good place. He wished me well today. Told me this is my time to focus on myself for once and to do all the things I have put off. How amazing to hear that from him. Maybe I didn't choose so terribly badly after all.
I am at loose ends though. No dance class tonight. I thought to call and see if she wanted Starbucks on my way home from work-- then I realized it would be a pretty long drive to deliver it. She got me out of bed last night to kill a spider in the garage. I guess her dad can do that now. I should be feeling pretty happy not to have that to deal with, right? So why does this feel so bad?

Seriously, crying twice in one month? What is happening to me? I hope I am not growing emotions or something.

Most Helpful Cat Award

Tonight's most helpful cat award goes to: Layla!!
Layla almost always helps me do my homework but tonight she outdid herself by knocking over my glass of ice water and playing with the ice all over the dining room. When I asked her what she did she gave me a very innocent kitten look and said "nothing" and then continued to try to lap up all the water.

Back In The Saddle

I am matriculating again!
I have done half of my first week's Finite Math assignment!
I am trying to remember Math. It is difficult.
I set up a wonderful new spot in the living room for my laptop and study space. I confiscated Lauren's desk because she isn't taking it to her dad's. Fortunately this is extremely convenient for the feline members of the staff to visit me as I work and check out my answers. Malley and Layla have been especially helpful tonight.
Logging into the introduction portion of the discussion forum caused me a brief existential crisis when I noted that my professor has dubbed us "Finite Students" OMG I AM Finite? Really? Does that mean that I could just hit a wall any minute now? Does that mean that the time line that is my life really has an end, not just a transition???? Who does she think she is defining the scope of my learning process. Must she really just intellectually assault me the very first night of class? Has she no faith in us? Is her self esteem so low that she has to put us in our place right away?
Finite indeed.
I am going to bed.

Triumph

Buuuaaaahhhhhaaahhhaaa!!! Evil Collar, I DEFEAT YOU!!!!!

Despair

Nobody knows the trouble I seen.
Nobody knows but Jesus.....
Nobody knows the trouble I seen
Glory Hallelujah.........



It is like being neutered a second time.........

My Birthday Trip: Part Two

Sunday morning dawned bright and early-- or at least we assumed it had under the cloud cover. I LOVE cloudy beachy weather! Which is why I live in the desert (thud).

The plan was to go to Pier One and do some... altogether now.. window shopping-- but it was too early so we headed over to McDonalds for our morning iced coffee and sat in the parking lot until Barnes & Noble opened up. Then we went in there and perused some magazines, wondered why our house can't look like the model homes or our bodies look like the celebrities, and drank tea.

Then we went to the bathroom because that was a lot of liquid for 9:00am already.

When it was time for Pier One to open we headed over to Petsmart where we decided not to get another cat. It was hard because there were some very sweet kitters there who need homes. Then my sister dragged me out by my hair (after making some not very nice suggestions about what she would do to me if I got another cat-- conveniently forgetting that I did not 'get' the last 3 cats!) and we went to Pier One. At Pier One she found her Holy Grail: A large wicker elephant. She has been searching (ie: obsessing) about finding an elephant for her room for the 8 months at least. She has looked everywhere. Really the Elephant Hunt is a subject for a future blog for I won't elaborate. Anyhow, she found one. She was so excited! I found a hall tree I really want but resisted temptation. However, if anyone of you (or groups or you) want to buy it for me as a belated birthday gift please feel free. I know some of you feel very guilty because you forgot to get me a gift. Sure, I was hurt, but it is never too late to make it up to me. Or at least you can try!

When we (and by 'we' I mean Monica) had spent enough money at Pier One we decided it was time for a very important trip over to the Harbor to the Greek Restaurant there for what has become a tradition for the two of us: the sharing of the Flaming Goat Cheese. The first time I had this yummy treat I was by myself. A few years ago I wanted to share this with my sister but picked a weekend that she had the stomach flu. This was not the best time. She made a valiant effort but it wasn't until the next trip that she got the full benefit of this delicious appetizer. Since then we have enjoyed this many times. This picture really doesn't do it justice. They flame it at your table. It is crunchy and creamy and altogether yummy. I have tried to duplicate this at home with limited success. But I got some tips from the server this time! Apparently substituting lighter fluid for rum may give you the same visual effect but definitely not the same taste. Who. Knew?

Then we decided we had better head for home or we may never return. It was tempting.

We stopped in Santa Clarita to see another movie "The Other Guys". Very funny. However, the lines to purchase the VERY EXPENSIVE TICKETS were not so funny. The movie we wanted to see was in the Coliseum which used to be an IMAX theater. Basically this means a Really BIG Screen. We had to sit about 3 rows in. Wow. The sound system was.... Wow. We snuck in chocolate. I admit it. But I don't feel too guilty because we also purchased a soda that cost $.14 to produce and cost us $5.75. Monica never enjoyed the movie because she was so incensed over the lines. And by incensed I mean she was foaming at the mouth and not because she was seizing. She was just ticked off. There had to be 50 people in line with only 2 ticket booths open. It is like going to Walmart where there are 20 lanes but only 3 open. She was so upset she wrote an angry letter to the movie theater. We are expecting a written apology any day now. Yeah.

After the movie we drove home. Home sweet Non-Smoking Home. When I opened my suitcase I swear a puff of cigarette smoke wafted out. Yikes. I had to wash everything!!!

But the best part was snuggling into my own bed, between my own sheets and falling asleep with Guy Fieri. There truly is no place like Home.

It was an awesome trip though!

My Birthday Trip: Part 1

A week ago was my birthday. My sister claims it was my 50th but I have my doubts. Fortunately for me, I can't count that high so the details of exactly which anniversary of my birth this was are insignificant.
We celebrated by taking the weekend off. We left Thursday night with the intention of coming back early Saturday morning. As it happened, we stayed until Sunday night. Do you know what that means, Geeezers? 3 full days off work. That hasn't happened in the last year and a half! It was wonderful. We stayed in a great hotel right on Venturas beach complete with a beautiful view and authentic wave crashing sounds (not that white noise stuff!)
The next morning, which was my actual birthday, we decided to head for Santa Barbara to do some window shopping-- and wound up right in time for the Old Spanish Days parade and street fair. Everywhere there were people selling actual chicken eggs that had been emptied and filled with confetti which you broke over the heads of people for fun. It was so cool. We had confetti in our hair all day!

I tried to talk my sister into a tattoo but she wouldn't hear of it so we got henna tattoos on our ankles. That was pretty cool! Okay so she is too conservative for a real tattoo but she had to buy all this hippie incense stuff. Gack!! On the way back to Ventura we stopped at the Fenner families favorite candy store in Carpenteria, Robitaille's. You don't want to know what we got-- lets put it this way. Chocolate. Lots of Chocolate.
We went back to Ventura for dinner and then, because it was my special day to cut loose, to the hotel bar for a yummy Pina Colada. The real kind. It is a good thing they are expensive because otherwise I might get used to that! I think we made it up until 10:30pm that night. Pretty late for us! I guess I could blame it on the alcohol, but the truth is that I did hang a BA off the balcony. It was dark. I needed to be crazy.
The next morning we ordered room service which was another treat. It was hard to leave that hotel but we could only have it the two nights because Kathy and Chris were getting married that day!
Did I forget to mention Kathy & Chris' wedding? Oh, the hotel was all abuzz with excitement. Relatives were everywhere. We snuck up to the top floor to see the reception area and it looked great! We were so bummed that we hadn't brought fancy clothes so we could crash.
After we got packed up and checked out of the hotel we went to old town Ventura for some window shopping. Guess what? ANOTHER PARADE!! At this point I realized that everyone between Ventura and Santa Barbara were putting on fake festivals just to throw surprise parades for my birthday! It was awesome!!! Lots of pretty horses. After the parade we went to the movies and saw Dinner for Smuckes. It was pretty funny. Then we high tailed it back to the beach because Kathy & Chris were due to get hitched. The invited guests sat in chairs on the beach but the rest of us watched from the boardwalk. I don't know what was going on but the wedding started a full hour late. Monica and I enjoyed making up scenarios of why this could be happening. Maybe we was questioning his sexual orientation. Maybe she had spilled something on her dress. Maybe he was just getting in the shower. WHO KNOWS. But eventually it got going. It was a lovely wedding. I don't think I have ever seen Kathy looking so radiant nor Chris so happy. They made a beautiful couple. There were many entertaining things going on during the ceremony. At one point a flock of screeching seagulls flew over head while guest prayed that none would drop a bomb on them. A airplane towing a huge Subway Sandwich banner buzzed overhead a few times. But the most disturbing was that 4 times (FOUR TIMES) during the ceremony they were interrupted by trains blowing their horns 100 feet away. Bet the hotel didn't warn them about that when they were signing contracts. When the wedding was over we popped into the hotel restaurant because we had decided that we really had to try this wedge salad on the menu. We shared the salad-- which did not disappoint, and headed off to our motel for the final night.
Since this was an unscheduled night we had to go with Motel 6. I have stayed in this particular Motel 6 many times and been happy with it. This time, however, we ended up in a smoking room. Wow. So we headed off to the store for lots of room deodorizers and snacks (because all we had for dinner was a shared wedge salad you know) and hair dye. We decided to dye our hair auburn. It matched the henna tattoos you know. Between the peroxide odor of the hair dye and the cigarettes we basically lost the ability to smell anything at all which was probably a good thing. I forgot to mention that possibly the most disappointing aspect of our trip was, are you sitting down for this, the total lack of Food Network shows on any channels at either hotel. OMG
I always go to sleep with Guy Fieri. Always. It was hard to go to sleep without Guy. And without cats. That was weird.

Foreshadowing

Insert scary music here............

Good News!!!!

It is so terrific to get to share good news!
Oliver Thomas O'Malley Cat has returned home!!!
Yay!! I got a picture text from my niece this morning and ran home on my lunch break to see him for myself. I checked him out from head to tail to toes. I checked his paws to see if they were rough as if he had traveled near and far to return home ala Homeward Bound: but they are nice and smooth I looked for wounds-- nothing apparent I smelled his fur-- smells normally not dirty or engine smelling! I blew some furry raspberrys on his tummy and many scritches behind the ears.
After he enjoyed my examination, purring loudly the whole time, I looked him in the eyes and demanded an explanation for his week long absence. He yawned and gave me a look that I have seen on many a teenager's face "What?"
So let's play a game: What Did Malley Do? My son thinks that perhaps Malley read my blog last night and his memory was jogged and he suddenly remembered where he lived. That is one possibility.
I have others: Alien Abduction #1: Looking for the sweetest and most intelligent life form on the planet, aliens picked him up and gave him a ride around the galaxy before returning him to the backyard, their faith in humanity restored. They decide to let us all live. For now. Thank goodness they didn't pick up a human. That would have spelled certain doom for us all.
Activation of Feline Alien Brain Chip: Similar to Alien Abduction in that it involves aliens (of the outer space kind) but with the critical difference that HE is an alien and was re-called to his home planet temporarily before being returned to his job as Official Observer (ala Fringe-- someone PLEASE get that reference. I can photo shop in a black suit and hat if that helps you picture it). As you fans of my blog recall, my sister also has an Alien Brain Chip that occasionally causes malfunctions and causes an EBF.
Alien Abduction #2: Tribe of marauding illegal aliens in the neighborhood recognized that he is obviously well filled out and possibly tasty nabbed him and carried him off to their barbeque only to abandon the endeavor once they realized that he was too adorable to eat.
Last night I caught him casually counting a wad of cash and looking like he didn't have a care in the world.
What is your theory???? Seriously-- post your theory!!!

PS: Apologies to my family who saw me actually shed tears Thursday night over this cat coming up missing and the approaching abandonment of my daughter who is moving to her dad's house. It was all just too much. I actually only cry about every 2-3 years and so when it happens it looks pretty bad.

My Feline Fantasy

This is my fantasy and you can't take it away from me.

We haven't seen my very, favorite kitty of all time Mr. Oliver Thomas O'Malley Cat for almost a week now. This could signal bad news.

I have had enough bad kitty news lately and this is just too much for my heart to bear and so let me share with you what I believe has happened.

Malley, saving a small child from harm while crossing the street, got a bump on the head and is now deep in the throes of amnesia. Otherwise he is safe, healthy and unharmed. A nice family saw this happen and took him in to nurse him back to health. He is happy and the family is enjoying his wonderful sweet personality, the little nose licks he gives, the head bonks and the purring. But he doesn't remember where his house is or who is real family is or else he would come home.

He may never regain his memory and he may live for the next 15 years with this substitute family who feel very blessed to have him in their lives because he is the best cat ever. He really is.

I can live with this.

I can't live with the thought that something else has happened, so just leave me alone.