Grandmaw's Hands (Magpie #46)

Grandmaw's Hands


In the winter time Grandmaw would wear leather gloves.  "Not those cheap kind" she said "Real Gloves-- that keep the cold all the way out".
She had 'The Arthritis', as seemed inevitable for someone of her age.  Arthritis was a cruel master that had robbed her of the hand work that she so loved and left in it's place fingers that would barely straighten and were cold so much of the time. 
I remember the ointment she rubbed on them to ease the ache.  I will never forget the smell of it-- anything that smells remotely close transports me all the way back to memories of cuddling close to her under the afghan she had crotcheted long ago.  It was a comforting smell and it reminded me of Holiday prayers with the family gathered all around.  I always made sure I got a spot next to her- she always seemed to be closer to God than anyone and I felt secure with her gnarled hand in mine.  Sometimes when I went to bed later I could still smell that smell of her on my fingertips.
Her gloves are empty now and cast aside- but even so I bring them up close to breathe in the scent that lingers and draws me back to her for just a moment.

Magpie Tales is a blog dedicated to poets and writers with the purpose of honing their craft, sharing it with like minded bloggers and keeping their muse alive and well.  For more stories inspired by this picture go to   http://magpietales.blogspot.com/ 

Can I Go On??????

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME???????????

5 COMMENTS?????????????

THE PAIN!!!!!!!!  

THE REJECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOB!!!!!!!!

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The New Year Approaches...

2010-- What a year.
Soon we will be kicking it's butt out the door and welcoming 2011.
(I gotta get up in my head for a bit, but there will be a reward at the end so hang in there)
Some of you know that I struggle on and off with The Monster (which is what I call the depression and anxiety that sometimes comes to visit me).  One way that I work on re-directing my focus is to write this blog-- so thank you for participating in my therapy!
Christmas morning was foggy.  I mean Otherworldly, Pea Soupy, Where has the World Gone Foggy.  Creepy.  Quiet.  I could see about 50 feet around me and the rest of the world was gone.
This is a great metaphor for my life.  Stay with me here.
I am glad that a year ago I could not see everything that was going to happen in 2010.  I would have been overwhelmed with the thought of all the time sitting at my mom's bedside in hospitals and nursing homes.  I would have been so afraid of my sister's second seizure and the aftermath of that.  I would have freaked out knowing how unstable and insecure my job was going to be.  I would not have experienced the joy of how well my student children are doing in school or that my family is still all here.  I would have missed being surprised by all the cool things that have happened this year.
The Bible, which is pretty much my guidebook on every subject and every circumstance-- has a lot to say about how to handle life's situations.  It has a lot to do with trust.  And trust, in the end, is a choice.  You either trust or you do not--- you really can't just 'kinda' trust or 'mostly' trust.  I have struggled with this a lot.  Even with trusting God-- which should be a no-brainer cuz He is really quite a lot smarter than I am you know.  I like to think I know everything-- but we all know that is pretty silly.  For me to trust God with my life-- and reap all the benefits of doing so- means I will only see what is just a few feet ahead of me and trust that He knows all the stuff in the fog and can handle things.  Matthew 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own"  Ain't that the truth?  Dealing with my own fear of my own life works best when I focus on what 'is'  what is real and not on the endless, infinite things that might happen.  All the 'what ifs'. 
We have all had plenty of crap in our lives this year.  Hurts, pain, people and furry friends who has passed away, jobs lost, relationships strained, car accidents, hospital stays on and on and on... And lots of good stuff too! 
So let's put some good thoughts out there to share with each other! 
What are your thoughts, dreams, wishes, hopes and prayers for 2011?
I don't know how many of you are out there or who you are, but please take a minute to post something.  Let's make a little community expression of hope.  Leave your name and maybe where you live too.  And I offer this little bribe:  I will be drawing the names of five of you to send a $10.00 Starbucks Gift Card!!!  Who can turn this down???
I can't wait to hear from you!!
Loves to All Of You!

Rainy Road Trip of 12-22-10

 Hello Friends-  this is Gpsie, LeAnns GPS system.  I have hijacked her blog to get to express my own feelings about how she has been abusing our relationship.  Once again she asked for my opinion and advise on how to reach her destination only to have her ignore what I told her.  Again.  Again and again.  Re-calculating, re-routing, with no apology or explanation that makes sense to me.  There is not a setting within my software for people who are afraid to drive on the freeway.  She is obnoxious and sometimes she picks her nose in the car when she thinks no one is looking.  But I see her.  She forgets that I am there.  Sometimes I speak up and it makes her jump.  I enjoy that.  But it is cold comfort to have to travel with this maniac.
I may just have to crash her car into her house.

Wednesday I needed to make another trip down to a few of our company jobsites.  Since I am a weenie when it comes to driving the freeways under the best of circumstances you can only imagine the giant weenie I am when it comes to driving the freeways in bad weather.  After many hours of constant whining and waterboarding my sister volunteered to be my driver for the day and take Rudy the Red Nosed Suburban. 
We set out at 7:30am  and got to Colton at 10:08am   The weather was insane:  Thunder, Lightning, Hail, Deluge of Rain!  But she got us there pretty much on time.  I went on in to the office and once again they did not seem happy to see me!  It couldn't be the outfit-- because I toned way down from the Darth Vader look.  The looked like a skunk had wandered into the place.  We took care of the business we had to do and I asked to use the restroom.  And when I came out their entire demeanor had changed!  They chatted with me about the weather and my holidays and the PM even gave me a big hug before I left  They were so nice I felt very badly about all the office supplies I had stolen from their supply closet / restroom.  Not bad enough to put them back though.  That will teach them to Back Charge Us!
So, onward on to Yucapia where I picked up more money!  Yay!  When we finished there it was about noon so I asked Gpsie if there was somewhere good to eat nearby and she told me that the Morongo Casino was only 11 miles away where we could get lunch and double the money I had just picked up for the company and be a hero to my boss! So we did it.  We took my lunch break off to have a nice lunch and play a few table games.  Amazingly the casino accepted my company Costco card as sufficient ID to cash our $114,000.00 check.  Unfortunately, I did not double our money.  Hey, life is a big risk, right? Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose the company payroll and are forced to tell the boss that you got mugged. 
We decided to cut our losses and not cash out the other check, jumped in Rudy and headed for home.  Down the road a bit we decided to ask Gpsie to find us a McDonalds so we could get an iced coffee.  Maybe some cookies. She sent us on a wild goose chase.  We found one down the road anyhow.  Once we were set with snacks we got back on the Hurricane that was trying to pass for a freeway.  It was too much.  Too much RAIN.  Too much Lightning!  Too much Thunder!  As the Corporate Controller I made an executive decision to cash that other check, find the nearest high end hotel and have a spa night. I have been under so much stress this year clearly I needed a therapeutic massage and facial.   I was sure my boss would applaud my initiative to put the good of the company ahead of my own personal safety and comfort.
When, at long last, we pulled into the Antelope Valley there was a beautiful rainbow to greet us and welcome us home. 
Gpsie doesn't seem phased by the fact that I don't always take her advise to heart.  I like that about her.



Restroom / Supply Closet at Job Site



Rudy Insisted On Parking In The Reindeer Section

Rudy The Suburban Reindeer in His Parking Stall

Lunch At Morongo

Welcome Home LeAnn & Monica





Home At Last (Except when I was parked in front of my garage door Gpsie said to go 50 more feet ahead)





MISS POST DONT READ IT

Impending Road Trip

Tomorrow Gpsie and I will be making another road trip to jobsites in Riverside County.  So long as the storm doesn't waylay my plans which would be a very big problem because the company really needs this money.  I know you all enjoyed my last trip so hopefully I will have a good story to tell once again. 

This time I am not wearing the Darth Vader Power Outfit.  I think I will go with something a little less intimidating.  Maybe more of a Jedi Knight motif.

For those of you who don't see my Facebook posts, I fell UP the stairs the other night.  I did not break anything but I did want to say many many bad words.  It hurt very badly.  This scared my sister.  I keep telling her I have a brain tumor or MS or something.  Anyhow.... last night I went upstairs and then she babied me and brought me my glass of water and my ice cream so I wouldn't have to make another trip.  And tonight she brought me Fall Protection Socks, a hospital bracelet and sticker to notify everyone in the house that I am a Fall Risk.  Ha Ha    This is still better than Mark's post on my Facebook page about shingles which I just don't get.  Really?  Shingles?

It is a Brain Tumor, okay????   Not a disease.



Fall Protection

This year my sister and our families are going in together to buy a goat for a third world family through World Vision.  If you are looking for a really neat way to give to others this holiday season, please visit their website. It really touched my heart.

http://donate.worldvision.org/



 Okay the lovely leek and spinach quiche I made for dinner should be ready to eat so I am off to the kitchen!

Sleep well everyone!



Guest Blogger: Yard Decorations

I requested a "Guest-blog" spot on my sister's blog site. Last week she (crazy as this might sound) left to attend church as my daughter- Rebecca and I were putting the finishing touches on our outside Christmas decorations. As Rebecca and I were plugging the lights in we were getting frustrated that only part of one of our reindeer was lighting up.....It was the head....The back-end of the deer was dead. Rebecca got the "bright" idea to hold the deer head against the wall as if it were a mounted deer-head. I loved it and immediately got to work on getting it mounted on the house.  Then we noticed the little light-up tree was missing something.... We looked in the back of my car and lo and behold there was that clip-on bird I had bought a few months ago. It went perfectly on that tree.... Well, a few hours later Rebecca and I arrive home after going out for a bite to eat and notice that my sister's car is barely in the driveway as if she were sneaking up on something. LeAnn had actually driven up and quietly snuck out of her car to get a picture of this bird without scaring it.......as she is realizing it was a fake bird. Needless to say she felt ridiculous and then she walked up to the house and saw the deer-head on the wall. She sent me a text that read- "Ok I seriously got my camera ready to take a picture of that bird. And the deer head. Omg u r so warped."  It was worth it all!!!! Ha Ha- gotcha!!!! I know, I know...I'd better sleep with one eye open....

Love ya Sis....

Deer Head Mounted on House Wall

Shhhh There is a Dove Sitting on The Tree

Miscellany & Follow Ups

Hello Kids!
First, trying to download pictures is driving me crazy.  Well, it isn't the downloading it is the positioning.  I don't know how to explain what it is like but every time you try to move them everything shifts around until you have spent 20 minutes writing and 2 hours trying to format and you are thinking about saying level 6 bad words.  So I am just going to post them to the bottom of the blog with a caption.  Hope that is okay with you guys.

I know that recent events have left you wondering "What Happened Next"?
Here is some follow up:

The Christmas Party: 
"LeAnn-- what did you end up bringing home from the party?"  I brought home a Mickey Mouse ornament.  No offense toward Keith, but it is hardly up to the level of the Light Up Christmas Palm Tree that Chandra and I gave him for his birthday last year.  Just saying.
Also, in an amazing Twist of Irony.... The head lamp that I almost got to take home from the party (but ended up going to Casa De Schoonmaker) was originally brought by Grandma J--- who took home the pink elephant that I brought... oooooo creeepy.  Grandma J and I have a special 'thing' going I am telling you.  Awesome Cool!

The Dog Wash:
The other night Sam chased what we assume was a cat with a horrible urinary tract infection because when I called him off he smelled like....... I don't know how to describe it.  It made my eyes water.  I tried to get him into a groomer but I let his rabies certificate expire so it fell to us to at least get the smell off him.  He hates to be bathed.  My sister had to carry him to the tub (but not before he peed everywhere) where he endured the scrubbing with the most pathetic look on the face of the earth.  After the shampoo we decided to use some conditioner on him. We had used cat shampoo on him and figured some human conditioner shouldnt kill him, right?  It was the kind that makes your fur hair curly.  He now smells a lot better but his fur is sticking out in every possible direction.  I feel badly.  Kinda.

The Modem:
Saturday my sister and I went to the cable place to bury dispose of trade our dead modem for a new one.  Below is a pic of the dead modem. Note that it is laying on it's back with it's little legs in the air.   There is also a pic of our new modem.  Her name is  Mollie Modem.  I got her hooked up and working all by myself.  DID YOU HEAR THAT???  ALL  BY  MYSELF!!!!!!!  It is a Christmas miracle
Here is the difference between the two modems:
12-10-10 
    Modem #1:  Eeeehhhhhhh............. do I haaaaaaave to get up?  Isn't it awffffffully earrrrrrrly?   I am soooooo tiiiiired.....  eehhhhhhhhh 
12-17-10
    Modem #1:  V-fib followed by prolonged brachocardia arrymthia...... Code was called and administered followed by brain activity testing.  Patient was declared dead by Future 'IT' Doc Brandon Fenner at 6:45pm   RIP Modem #1
12-18-10
    Modem #2 (Mollie):  HimynameisMollieandIamsoexcitedtobeyournewmodem.SomepeoplethinkItalktoofastandIjustrunrunrunrunandrun.IlikeFacebookdoyoulikeFacebookIcanhelpyouwithyouremailandwithyourblogsandIwillhelpLaurenwithhercelebritystalkingandchattingwithherfriendsandallthestuffshelikestodoandIwillhelpRebeccadownloadallthoseJustinBiebervideosOMGILOVEJUSTINBIEBERdoyouloveJustinBieberbecauseatfirstI thoughtheisjusttooprettyandIthoughthewasprobablystuckupbutIdon'tthinkheisIthinkheisjustsotalented......
Yeah, Mollie is VERY energetic.  She Rocks!

And so I mark the end of another weekend.  Back to work tomorrow (LOL as if I haven't been there on and off all weekend already) 
Enjoy your week Geeeeezers (not to be confused with the Geezers Rock Band) and try to remember to keep Christ in Christmas if you are Christian and Happy Holidays to my friends who are celebrating other holidays!



Modem #1  RIP



Mollie Modem



Sam With His Curly Messy Fur




Monica Carrying Dog Upstair





The Real Pursuit Christmas Party

Last weekend I attended a Christmas Party for my Church Care Group. 

There was yummy food

And wonderful, fun people.

We had a White Elephant Gift Exchange. 

I am sure most of you are familar with this holiday gift giving custom, but if you are not let me  explain.  You locate something in your home which is hideous, useless or broken-- basically unwanted--and you wrap it beautifully to take to  your party.  When it is time for the exchange you pick a number and get to choose either a new gift or steal one from someone else who opened their gift before you.  The gifts can only get stolen twice and then they are stuck wherever they are.  Make sense? 

Here is a picture of Grandma Johnson who was the very lucky receipent of the plastic, tutu wearing elephant bank that was my contribution to the party.

Grandma J With Her Elephant

Strangely, no one tried to take it from her.  I wonder if they all realized it was also a bank?

When it was my turn I unwrapped a telescoping back scratcher (which is handy for a single gal-- so much more dignified than scratching my back against the corner of my office at work) and a battery operated lamp that one wears on one's forehead.  I LOVED IT!  Think of all the uses!  I could have hands free to clean the cat box in the middle of the night.  I could use it to read my kindle!!  I could put it on when the car breaks down and I lift the hood to look at the engine!

But did I bring it home?  OH NO!  I DID NOT!

Because it caught Brian's eye.

Brian who pays lip service to 'supporting the single moms of our group' and yet steals away their head lamps.

Brian "Dreamkiller" Schoonmaker

And his comment?   "This would be great at a crime scene"

You see, Brian is a Homicide Detective  Animal Control Officer

I went along with him on a recent bust.

The Suspect Line Up

Brian:  "Okay one of you is the perp.  Someone needs to come forward"

Perps: "yawn"

Brian:  "SOMEONE pooped on the carpet.  We have the evidence.  We have the pictures.  All of you have access and we know you don't need a motive"

Perps: (fart)

Brian:  "Okay--- who farted???"

Perps: (not making eye contact)

Brian:  We aren't going NOWHERE until someone confesses

(Brian decides to take different tact)

Brian:  Look!  I have a yummy snausage.  See? (chomps down on the snausage)  Yuuummmmm!!

If you tell me who did the deed I will share my snausage!

Perps:  (Starting to squirm around a little)

Brian:  "Ummmmmmm"

Perps:  (Drooling, but standing their ground)

Brian: (Forgetting what he is doing suddenly realizes he really does like the snausage)

Perps:  (giving each other the 'I have my eye on you gesture')

Brian:  (Snaps out of his Snausage Induced Coma)

Brian:  OKAY NO MORE MR. NICE GUY!!

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!

WHO LEFT THE FECAL MATTER ON THE RUG??

WHO DID IT!!

(Jumps forward taking the collie by the throat)

DID YOU DO IT???  Mr. I Am So Innocent Lassie

DO IT?  (hehe heh)  DODO IT?  DOODOO??????

(Buaaahhhaaahhhaaa!!!)

(Other officers quietly lead the muttering Brian out of the room and into the waiting Looney Bin Tansport Vehicle

Requiem for My Modem

Alas, my friends, the Fenner-Williamson Household Modem has gone to the Big IT in the sky.

This is why my blog voice has been silent this past week.  Not that I ran out of ideas--- oh, no.  Not that I didn't care about you-- heavens no!  Not that I didn't take the time--  no because I tried in vain to use the poor dying modem not understanding how grave the situation truly was.
(You are being brought this message by the good folks at Panera.  Panera:  Where the coffee flows, the bagels rock and they have free WiFi and electric plugs.)
But last night it finally occurred to me that there might be something actually wrong with the equipment.
I sent for my own personal IT specialist and he came over and examined the patient thoroughly and pronounced it dead.
This has been a painful and frustrating time for the whole house.  I couldn't blog.  Lauren couldn't cyber stalk her favorite celebrity of the moment.  Becca couldn't dress up Justin Bieber in girls clothes with her friends.  And Monica couldn't...... couldn't..... face it.  A week without the internet would have gone un-noticed by my sister if it were not for the constant wailing and gnashing of teeth by the rest of us. 

Ironically, it falls to her today to go to the cable company and get us a new modem.
And then we shall entice our IT guy to come over to install a new one.
I plan to make some fudge and create a trail out my back door, through the yard, through the gate and into his back door.  This will bring him.  Hopefully I won't have to pull out the big guns, ie stories of 27 hours of labor, the fact that he didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 years old, multiple trips to the ER with bagel injuries etc.....

I would hate to have to show him my C-Section scar.

Desparate times demand desparate measures..........

Magpie #44

Brought to you by Magpie Tales Blog Prompt Site  CLICK HERE to visit

I miss the old days
Not so much the ones of my youth,
Flying fast and free
Snow beneath
Frozen breath
Exciting days, as I recall
Leave them in the past- in their place
Set apart from the frantic energy that marks the days and weeks and decades
There is comfort and companionship amongst the forgotten things
Not antique-- old fashioned
Not of this world
Not for display
Leave me to my quiet, still musings

Wisdom

Gray Hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained through righteousness Proverbs 16:31
Now that I have moved into my Splendiferous years I have accumulated some wisdom to share.
My mother's legacy to my sister and I is this:
"Never buy sheets in a strange town"
(really)
Today, my lovelies, I will endow you with words of wisdom wrought over the past few days.


Here is my legacy to you and to my children:

"Don't Panic"
I wish I could claim this tidbit as my own but I must give credit where it is due and admit that I learned this from that famous classic book (not the movie) 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"

In yesterday's blog I told you all about my dilemma with my college registration.  I know you are yearning for an update and so here you go!


I spent the whole evening trying to log on to the college website-- along with probably a million other people.  Well, primarily I was out to dinner celebrating Chandra's birthday.  If you forgot it was Chandra's birthday don't feel alone-- her kids did too.  But it isn't too late--- just leave a Birthday Greeting Comment here!  Chandra is a lovely silly person and one of my BFFs.  Yes, I did bring my computer and I did check it every so often.  I know this is tacky but she loves me so... well, I took advantage of that.  I would get part way in and it would dump me.  About the 50th time I tried this I noticed that the website kind of indicated that open registration wouldn't be until the 8th and so I set my alarm to get up at midnight and start trying again.  And and 2 and at 4 and at 5:30am when I got up to go to work and then every hour or so until I finally persevered about 11:00.  Guess what!!  The computer already forgot that I took English already so I have to go back to the college and get waivered again.  But, guess what else?  I GOT INTO MY COMMUNICATIONS CLASS!!  Oh yes, I did!!!  YAY!!!



Last night I panicked-- just a little.  I worried over losing another semester,  I was extremely irritated at myself for forgetting to pay my fees.  I worried if there is a loose wire in the connection between my butt and my brain that is causing this idiocy.

Strangely, none of those thoughts got me any closer to getting my class

Mostly, I did remain calm.  I didn't say any bad words and the ones that I thought about saying were pretty low on the Official Bad Word Scale.  I made a list of pros and cons to panicking vs calm.
State                   Pros                                                   Cons                       
Calm                  Things worked out even better            None

                           No one died

                          I did not grow excessive nose hair

Panic                  Entertaining for my friends                  Exhaustion

                                                                                   Nothing Accomplished

                                                                                   Flatulence & drooling
It is clear that nothing can be gained from panic.  Calm is the way to go
So I am going to try to go with the "Don't Panic' credo except when my mom's advice is more applicable.

In other news:   I got to spend several days with BFF Carri getting caught up and being home base while she got to visit with her grand-daughter and friends.   She went home today because she couldn't sleep another night in Becca's bed.  Hee Hee   Actually she had stuff to do at home.  It was so much fun to see her, but she forgot to take her dog with her.  He is still here!!



My Post-it Note System



Note to Janet regarding Butt Brain.  As you can see I use notes to myself constantly.  Usually this helps a lot but sometimes I can't read my own handwriting or I can't remember what "Jose" on a post it note means seeing as how there are several in my company.  Please notice that the colors indicate topic and level of priority.  Oh yeah.  Don't be jealous people you can do this too!

We had an audit at work today.  I did my best to flirt with the auditor-- which means I didn't pick my nose in front of him.  I am not especially good at flirting.  He is a tall kinda gangly geeky CPA-- which is strangely totally my type.  He was not wearing a wedding ring, not that I was looking.  He is coming back on Friday so I am going to bring out my "A" game and wear the purple boots.  Wish me luck, geeezers.

I leave you with this one last quote, again from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: 

"There is a theory which states that if anyone discovers what the Universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory that states that this has already happened"


                                                                     

Dim Bulb

You young people-- mark my words: the day will come with your bright mind will become a flickering bulb.  It will happen to you!
I have a couple examples of what you have to look forward to.
Last Thursday we lost power in our house for about half the outlets up stairs.  We checked the breaker box and we pushed the re-set buttons but nothing worked.  I got the name of a good electrician (Sonner Electric-- I liked him a lot.) but he couldn't come until Monday.  Sadly I cannot sleep if it is quiet.  And I have to have a fan on even if it is pointing away from me.  I go to sleep with the TV timer on and Guy Fieri soothing me to dreamland.  A room with no electricity was not acceptable!!  How could I see to read or watch TV or have a fan on?  I slept in the cat room.  This is the room we have where the cats eat and use their litter box has a bed and a TV--- but there is also a litter box that smells icky and the scratch around in there for 20 minutes every time they use it and they all think they own the place. My sister spent the next two nights with my parents-- mostly to keep an eye on my dad who had fallen and hurt his knee plus he was exhausted and sick.  On Saturday I had a revelation:  I could run an extension cord into my room and have all the necessities of life again.  This  seemingly obvious solution did not occur to either my sister or myself.  For several days we suffered in frustration. HOW SCARY IS THAT??
Seriously--- this really bugs me.
Next example.
Last week I sucessfully registered for an English class at Antelope Valley College (Go Mauraders!!)  This wasn't easy because the computer would not allow me to register because it does not recognize some of the classes I completed when dinosaurs roamed the earth in 1980 (when I received my first AS degree in Very Intellectual Pursuits).  It does not, for example, believe that English 101 is the same course as English 1A in ancient times.  And so it required me to go into the office to get a waiver.  The good people of the college are expanding which means they took 75% of the parking lot (which was already far too few spaces) and build other exciting buildings.  I had to park about a half a mile from the office.  I hiked in, got my waiver after visiting with 4 different counselors including one who put me on a couch and asked me how I felt about my life and since I didn't have all night I gave my rendition of a holiday Christmas Perfect Life letter and got the heck out of there...... Finally I was all set for the class.  Sure, I didn't get the Communications class I needed but I hoped to crash that one.  I only need 3 classes to be done and move along into the California State University system you know.  I walked back to my car feeling self satisfied.  I drove home.  I took a shower.  I went to bed.  What I did not do was pay for my class.  Why?  I forgot.  I had the money.  I just did not have the brain.  And so, along with all the other people who are one brick short of a load, I lost my class.  I will have to start all over tomorrow.
I could cry.
I will get up at midnight tonight to see if I can do it right this time.  Wish me luck.
Last I give you the brain activating butt.
Many hundreds of times a day at work I think of something I need to do but as soon as I stand up and get halfway to whatever it was I needed I forget what I was doing.  I usually stand there for a few moments trying in vain to grasp the lost train of thought but it just chug-chug-chugs away from me while I stand there with a puzzled look on my face.   Until I sit down again--- THEN I remember what I was going to do.  However, if I stand up and take a few steps I lose it again.  This cycle can be repeated over and over and over again.  This leads me to believe that my brain is connected to my butt--- when I stand up the brain stops working until I sit down again.
In conclusion I would like to say that............ that............I uh.......... what was I saying?
Nevermind
I am going to bed.  I have to get up in a few hours and try to register for my class.  Again.  This time I will pay for it right away! And I WON'T STAND UP!

The Christmas Parade

And now, my formal report on the Antelope Valley Christmas Parade

Saturday December 4th   10:00am
Stats:
130 Entries
13 Marching Band
45 Horses
8 Color Guards (see footnote #2)
67 Community Queens and Princesses  (Please see footnote #1)
Many Many unidentified people in covertibles
3 groups of people from community colleges (Please see footnote #3)
8 Alpacas
3 Groups of people with dogs
1 Boy baton twirler (Please see footnote #4

Footnote #1
How can there be that many community queens.  This is only our area it isn't all of southern California.  The group from Rosmond appeared to have 3 sisters (Nepotism-- party of 3?)  There was one kid named Imunique from Quartz Hill I think. (Seriously--- these kids have to live with these names.  Just say no to crack when you are thinking up baby names)

Footnote #2:
Cadet Airman Hernandez was my favorite ROTC person!

Footnote #3:
The community college people were so incredibly pathetic I wanted to cry.  On the sadness scale the one for AV College--- MY ALMA MATER PEOPLE-- was a 300 on a scale of 1 to 10.  Really, was this necessary?  And what did you bribe those people with.  Have some Maurader pride people.

Footnote #4
You have to hand it to this kid.  He had to be the most courageous kid in the whole parade.

Final Note:
The Dance Magic dancers kicked Studio 81's dancer butt.  Their routine was more fun and their outfits were much nicer.  There were two kids in there that especially stood out in the crowd. I know I might be biased but my eye was really drawn to Lauren Fenner and Rebecca Williamson.  They just rocked that routine. I have video but I cannot figure out how to get it out of my Blackberry and over here. Sorry.

It's A BOY!!

Congratulations are in order!

On Friday December 3rd the adoption of Kody Newcomb was finalized and so please join with me and his Official Father Wayne Ragas in officially welcoming Kody Alexander Ragas!

If you have not yet made the connection, Wayne is my very special lifelong best friend who figured prominently in my 30th Class Reunion as my Hostage  Date.

See, since we were tweens Wayne had a secret longing to marry me and have oodles of children together.  But he was shy.  He watched me date first his very best friend and later marry yet another of his friends.  Sadly I was unaware of how deeply he loved me.  By the time we were free to marry he had given up on true love and moved away to do penance working for the rich and crazy-- all in an effort to get me off of his mind.   He knew he would never have me.  I know it has been hard for him as no woman could ever begin to measure up to his ideal woman:  me.  It wasn't as if he didn't try.  Really, who can blame him.

And yet, he still longed to be a father.

Eventually destiny (I know it was God by you all know how I am) brought Kody into his life and he became his foster parent.  In spite of watching me raise my own two monsters incredibly wonderful children, he still wanted to have a family of his own.  And Kody needed a stable family too.  It took a few years but now it is official:  Kody is adopted.
He is one lucky guy!

For example he is now afforded all the rights and privileges of any legacy Wayne has for him including but not limited to his vast personal wealth and his collection of vintage ziplock baggies.   

I am so proud of these two guys.  They each took a big risk, which is what truly loving another person always is.  I know that people tend to think that adoptive parents (I being one and so I feel entitled to make this statement) are somehow heroes for bringing a child who is "not their own" into their home and their lives, but let me educate you.  We are selfish.  We are compelled to find this child who was not born to us but is none the less our child.  You can just tell they are out there somewhere.  And trust me they just don't get more of 'your own' than when you nag them to clean their room or turn in their home work!  When you have to clean up their barf or sit by their bed when they are sick and wonder if you are a good enough parent.  What makes you a real parent of your child has nothing at all to do with genetics but everything to do with commitment and love.  Possibly a touch of insanity.

Kody put it well when he changed his own name on Facebook:
" Yes, I changed my name.  I now have a dad I can trust and live with.  A family I'm not afraid to lose.  I'm adopted and I'm proud of it."

We are too, Kody.

Official Start To Christmas Season

The Antlers and nose are on my sisters car.

The Christmas season may now officially begin.

Business Trip

 Today was my first outing with my new friend Gpsie. 
Gpsie is cool.  She tells me what the speed limit is (65 mph)  and how fast I am going (4.5 mph) what time I should get home (5:17pm-- two weeks from now if traffic doesn't let up)

Me:  Gpsie today I need to go to a couple of jobsites
Gpsie:  Please follow the Pretty Pink Road
Me:  Gpsie I don't want to go on Hwy 138 over the mountains.
Gpsie:  Please exit at Hwy 138
Me: Nope I don't want to go on Hwy 138 over the mountains.
Gpsie:  Re-calculating.  Please exit at Pearblossom Hwy
Me:  I am not going that way
Gpsie:  Re-calculating.  LeAnn, you are being obstinate.  Please exit at Soledad Canyon Rd
Me:  I am not going that way and you can't make me
Gpsie:  Re-Calculating.  FINE FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!!
Me:  FINE!!  I will!!!

Drive, drive, drive.......
Me:  Gpsie, I don't know where I am.
Gpsie:  You need to get off on the 215 East
Gpsie:  I said EAST!!!  EAST!!  Re-calculating
(Ring Ring)  
Claudia:  Where are you?  YOu are late for your meeting!
Me: I think I am somewhere near where I am supposed to be but now there are trains! Two trains going in opposite directions!  Two Trains, different tracks, opposite directions!
Gpsie:  Your destination lies past the trains.

So I get to my meeting.  You would think these people would be happy to see me because I am bringing them money but nooooo they look like they want to kick me in the backside.  And I am in my power outfit too so I look like a female business Darth Vadar.  I should automatically command respect and fear... but this is curiously not working for me.  So after an hour of slowly deteriorating self-confidence, onset of stuttering and on the verge of the giggling... I shake hands all around and get the heck out of there.  Strong handshake:  Firm but not lesbianish.  Business like.  Darth Vader like just short of lifting them up by the neck until they are dead.
On the way out I took some pictures so you can all see what my company does.  We build beautiful buildings.  This is a high school.  I am the Corporate Controller which means  that people get to be mean to me and I have to accept it with a smile on my face.  Then I eat chocolate. I occasionally walk around jobsites in high heeled black boots and a hard hat and shake hands with men. In my field the ratio of men to women is about 100:1.  You would think I would meet someone in this atmosphere but sadly, no.  They think I am scary and very serious.  I know, hilarious, right?  They don't read this blog.  I am in completely awe of the guys who do the actual physical work on these buildings.  They were actually working on buildings in the middle of the site or you could see the scaffolding they use etc...  And no, that is not scaffolding in the pic on the right that is a staircase.  Scaffolding is not anywhere nearly as safe as that.  These are buildings that are finished.  Cool huh.

So, once back in the car I make up with Gpsie.
Me:  Gpsie, I need you.  You are the most awesome GPS system ever.  I am sorry I yelled at you!
Gpsie:  Proceed to La Caneda street and turn right
Gpsie:  Re-calculating  Proceed to 215-North
Me:  Sorry! 

Drive drive drive to next stop:  San Bernardino Unified School District Offices
Gpsie:  Please exit at H street
Me:  OMG there is a detour and all of the exits are closed
What follows is 20 minutes of trying to figure out how to bypass the detour and get to my next stop.  Shorter story:  I found it.  I got money. The people were nice.

Back on freeway on way home
Me:  Gpsie can we find a McDonalds cuz I really need an iced coffee
Gpsie:  We will never get home if you have to keep stopping for stuff
Me:  Pullleeease????
Gpsie:  Okay.  There is one right up there!
Drive Drive Drive.... traffic..... bumper to bumper....
Gpsie:  Please proceed to Hwy 5 north
Me:  Can I have a cookie?   LOOK A PETSMART!!  Do you think they have kitties?  Are we almost there yet?  I have to go to the bathroom!  LOOK A SQUIRREL!!!  I like blue cars, I wish I had a blue car.  I wonder why my tires unbalanced light was on this morning and now it isn't.  I wonder what I should fix for dinner.  I wonder if I should take English Lit or Anthropology this semester.  I NEED BLUE BOOTS!  Blue boots would be so cool.  I wonder if those people would have been friendlier if I had been wearing blue boots.  ARE WE THERE YET?
Drive Drive Drive
WHAT ABOUT NOW?????

I made several observations today:
1)  I am so thankful I work in town and don't drive every day.  I hate driving
2)  Darth Vader outfit may not be best for jobsite meetings
3)  I love Gpsie even if she doesn't understand yet that I have to go on the 210 freeway to every destination in southern California.  Even if it takes longer.
4)  There are a LOT of places uglier than Lancaster. 
5)  Corona smells like cows

Stay tuned Geeezers--- I may have to go out to a High School in Adelanto Friday.  ON THE 210 freeway, lol!

There Are No Words

This is why I carry a camera in the grocery store